Grif.Net

I = planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed = it.   My = aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I’m good, = she’ll give me the other one next year. Yesterday I saw a = guy…

I don’t want to come off like I’m being too hard on = 5-year-olds, but they tend to have grossly unrealistic expectations of = the world.   For instance, when a 5-year-old girl in Seattle heard = her poor mother hinting that maybe "Santa" might not have the = cash…

[A recently-divorced friend = suggests this sure-fire list of gift ideas . . ] 10. A car wash = kit 9. A table = saw 8. Two all-day = passes to Circuit City’s Home Theatre Installation = Seminar 7. A case of = oil 6. Five-year = subscription to Sports…

“Ah, = Christmas. The one time of year everyone gets = ‘santamental’.”   Did you hear what a = webmaster’s favorite Christmas carol? “Oh, .Com, All Ye = Faithful!”   The other day I sent my = girlfriend a huge pile of snow. A little later I texted her: ‘Did…

No more early morning = decisions or taking hours to put an outfit together for = work No one would ask you for a = ride One big black belt and you have = all the accessories you will ever need Comfy = footwear All your children would love =…

[One of my = favorite comic strip creators, Bill Keane, often showed that he knew = what life with children was really like. His strip, The Family Circus, = centered on a couple with four young children.  In last = Sunday’s paper were a couple more about parenting and made…

Q. What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? A. It’s Christmas, Eve. Q. Which reindeer was known for his bad manners? A. Rude-olph. Q. Why does Santa have three gardens? A. So he can ho, ho, ho. Q. What do you call people who are…

MILD HE LAYS HIS GLORY BY (by Michelle Hindman)   Was it = shaken off simply,like dewfrom a lamb’s fleece?Or laid = by, folded neatlylike linenson a stone? How did God separateHimself from starsto = slum in sinew,leave Power simplylying in its place?Did He = thunder and tear into Time,or…

A = parochial-school teacher related the story of the birth of Christ, = telling part of the narrative each day.  On the fourth day she = quizzed the children, "What is baby Jesus’ mother’s = name?"   "Mary! = Mary! Mary!" they answered, waving their little hands in the =…

[Fun questions to ask the entire family about Christmas.] Q. How did Scrooge’s team win the football game? A. The ghost of Christmas passed. Q. What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet? A. The Christmas alphabet has no L. Q. What is a parent’s favorite…

[Here are some new catch-phrases you may use this Christmas season to share your feelings or thinking with others, Hey, don’t say I never gave you anything . . . ] It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas . . . This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I’ve…

[December brings Christmas-oriented really bad puns because I know you like them] Santa gives Dasher and Dancer extra coffee breaks because they are his star bucks. If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas, get them a refrigerator and watch their face light up when they…

[Serving on jury duty today, so felt compelled to = share a little questioning humor from trials.]   Q:  What is your birthday? A:  July fifteenth. Q:  What year? A:  Every year.   ~~ Q:  = What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A:  Gucci sweats…