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[My newly-married friend Susan printed out this = oldie-but-goodie humor on marriage. Methinks it is fitting for = Valentine’s Day.] Commandment 1Marriages are made in = heaven. But so are thunder and lightning. ***********Commandment 2If you want your wife = to listen and pay strict attention to every word you…

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me = unattractive, would they eventually find me attractive?   If the = colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, isn’t it ironic = what happens when they’re flashing behind you?   If = multi-tasking is so commendable, what…

During the night of January 14, 1969, Mr. Skelton = was speaking about his boyhood memories of school.  He stated that = one of the things that really stood out was the way one of his teachers = presented the Pledge of Allegiance. Following is the monolog he = presented.…

[Every month we are adding more workers at the = ever-popular Grif Net Headquarters staff. Here are some new = hires.]   Grif.Net Handyman/Table Saw Operator =3D Les = Digits   Grif.Net Matchmaking =3D Annie Von = Vildew   Grif.Net Undergarment Inspector =3D I.C. = London   Grif.Net Traffic Copter…

At the airport in = Madrid, the national airline keeps its aircraft outside all year round = even in thunderstorms. I guess you could say, "The plane in Spain = stays mainly in the rain.”   A Scottish inventor = has come up with a new compact video game. He…

During my last physical, the doctor asked me about = my daily activity level.   I = shared, “As an example, yesterday afternoon I waded along the edge = of a pond, drank four bottles of water, escaped from a wild dog in the = heavy brush, jumped back from…

[This will give you a little = glimpse of the sort of neighborhood I live in. I’d move out, but = that would only raise the average IQ of our block by ten = points] ‘What’s wrong = with Joe?’ I asked my neighbor.‘I don’t know. = Yesterday he was…

Three visitors to London climbed up the parliament = tower that houses Big Ben and decided to have a contest.  They = planned to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try = to catch the watches before they hit the ground. The first = tourist…

Everyone KNOWS the "10" Commandments = (sadly, few of us actually practice them).  Not many know the next = ten . . .   11th Commandment. Thou shalt not worry, = for worry is the most unproductive of all human = activities.   12th Commandment. Thou shalt not be =…

You may have heard on the news = about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric = observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had = 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home.  The house also = featured a secret escape tunnel.…

02/02/17 Grif.Net – Sad News A sobbing Mrs. Murphy approached Father O’Grady after = church. He = asked, “So what’s bothering you?” She = replied “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed = away last night.” The = priest said “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last…

[We always send out a few puns on the first of every = month. Even short months.]   A plateau is = a high form of flattery.   At our = clinic we try to make plump ladies see the error of their = weighs.   The professor discovered that…

Somedays I felt like = I was surrounded by idiots.  Other days I realized it was not just = some days. Shoveling my driveway while the wind is still blowing = is as foolish as cleaning house while I still have kids living at = home.   I’m convinced =…