Grif.Net

My doctor told me, "You = have the body of a twenty-year-old.” I was pleased until he added, = “But you should return it. You’re stretching it completely out of = shape."   You’re not old until a = teenager describes you as middle-aged.   I’ve reached the age where…

The first-grade teacher was = showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could = name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, = "That’s a sheep!"   "That’s right!" said = the teacher.   "How about THIS one?" =…

Everyone my age is older than = me.   ‘You’re aging = gracefully’ is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking = worse.   He is so old that he gets = nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.   You’re old enough to remember = when…

Teresa is spoiling me rotten. With my leg in a cast = and limited mobility and elevated pain, she tells me to stay in my chair = and asks me “What can I make you for lunch?”  = We’ve been married almost 48 years and she has always been there…

Q: = Where does a one-legged waitress work?A: At = IHOP   Q: What = occurs one time in a minute, twice in a moment but not even once in an = hour? A: The letter = “m”   Q: What geometrical shape would = be likely to be in…

[continued from last week’s lesson on the = foreign dialect spoken of in the southern USA. If you missed part one, = go to our blog at htt= p://grif.net/2017/10/100917-grif-net-hah-tu-spek-suthrun/]=   RETARD – Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age = 65."   TARRED – adverb. Exhausted. Usage:…

[In our weekly Odds & Ends department, we focus on = food]   Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital = without a McDonalds.   The Pilgrims = ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.   German’s Chocolate Cake was created in America = by baker Sam German.  The…

[Odd = thoughts rolling thru my mind today]   As a = pastor, I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send = money.   If Cain = and Abel were Siamese twins, would they have their own show called = ‘Cable’ on cable?   Opportunity may knock once,…

This is a rerun (was = ‘Life in 2007’) but with a little tweaking it still works = fine. 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the = microwave.   2. You haven’t played solitaire = with real cards in years.   3. You have a list of 15 phone…

[Came = across this old poem by Augustus Toplady (same fellow who wrote the = beloved “Rock of Ages” we sing in church) and it struck a = chord in my life.  Have had some rough weeks with pain, lack of = sleep, my leg now in its third cast,…

A man = observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl riding = in her shopping cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl = asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little = girl immediately began to whine and…

Visiting the modern art museum, = a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby, and pointed. = "This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those = hideous representations you call modern art?" "No, = Madam," replied the attendant. "That one’s called ‘a = mirror’."   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin…

No word in the English language rhymes with month, = orange, silver, or purple.   The = "sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick" is said to be the = toughest tongue twister in the English language.   "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in = the English language. =C2=A0Many agree…