Grif.Net

Me: “Hey, did you get my letter?” Son: “No.” Me: “That’s odd. My carrier penguin should’ve made it by = now.” Son: “You mean carrier = pigeon?” Me: “Wait, what?”   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net "Jesus Knows Me, This I = Love!"  

Wife [on phone]: “Did you pre-heat the oven like I = asked?” Me: “Yep” Wife: “What temperature?” Me: “534” Wife: “That’s the clock.” Me: Wife: Me: = “535”   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin = [email protected] www.grif.net = "Jesus Knows Me, This I = Love!"  

Me: (on deathbed): "Will you do one thing for = me?" Wife: "Sure. I guess. What is = it?" Me: "After I’m gone, will you marry = Larry?" Wife: "Well, okay, but I = thought you hated Larry." Me: "I = do."   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin = [email protected] www.grif.net…

Me: “Loved being invited to team = tryouts.” Coach: “You really knocked that one over the = fence.” Me: “Thanks, Coach!” Coach: “You realize this is tennis, = right?”   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net "Jesus Knows Me, This I = Love!"  

[My friend Wayne shares “conversations” he’s = had.  Knowing him, I find these somehow believable] Wife: = “Feeling better?” Me: “Yeah.” Wife: “Kind of overreacted to a cold, didn’t = you?” Me (remembering that I called the Make-A-Wish Foundation last = night): “No.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net "Jesus…

What is the difference between Planned Parenthood and = the NRA? One sells arms.  The other promotes the Second = Amendment.   [The Weekend Grif Net is designed to be = thought-provoking and serious, not the humor given during the week. = Obviously, today’s pithy little statement shows the depth…

[Back for a 31-day = March, aiming to lose more weight]   I don’t need a = personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap = the unhealthy food out of my hand.   It’ll probably = be my luck that when I finally…

[Monthly contribution for = the world of word-play] When I was young, cosmetic surgery was = almost a taboo subject.  Now I can talk about Botox and nobody = raises an eyebrow.   Sometimes I tuck my knees = into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I =…

I was terribly embarrassed that everyone had to see the "World’s = Greatest Driver" bumper sticker on my wife’s car when it got = pulled out of the snowdrift.   I thought I saw a spider on the floor. Turns out it was a paper clip. = Anyway, it’s extremely…

[A few more so-called = “facts” to wow your family or friends] ** Switching = letters is called a “spoonerism”. For example, saying = ‘jag of Flapan’, instead of ‘flag of = Japan’.   ** There are 1,792 steps to = the top of the Eiffel Tower.   ** It…

[No claim to accuracy – = this is a humorous site, not Google – but thought I’d share = some so-called facts that were interesting. Might help you win a bet or = impress friends or co-workers with trivia]   ** Dalmatians are born = without spots.   ** Bats…

A teacher in the = school noticed that someone had written "I love God " and = added “U should 2” in a bathroom stall. He thought = he’d investigate the matter.   He = expressed to the class his appreciation for students who wanted to = proclaim their faith…

[Weakly check-up on my diet saga]   With my = hobbies, I have trouble with weight gain.  Of course, my hobbies = include eating and complaining about getting fat.   Of all parts = of my body, my eyes get the most exercise.  I must roll them a = hundred…