Grif.Net

Best lie I = ever heard was from my Mom who constantly said, “Clean your plate. = Eat all your food so you can grow up big and strong”. A = lie.  Look at me now.  Just big.   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin = [email protected] = www.grif.net "Jesus = Knows…

When someone = make you angry, THINK before you speak.  Counting the seconds gives = you time to cool off.   If the person = is younger than you, count to 10 first, then = speak.   If the person = is about your age, count to 25, then speak.…

Tim said, “If you boil a funny bone, it turns into a = laughing stock. I find that humerus.”   Billy said, = “My therapist told me ‘Write letters to people you hate and = burn them.’  Did that, but now I don’t know what to do = with the…

{Reprint on = request from June 9, 2010 Grif.Net.  Laughed then. Laughed again = now.]   Our teacher = asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried = chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t = have been right, since everyone else in the class…

A man found a = cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and = watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its = body through that little hole. Until it suddenly stopped making any = progress and looked like it was stuck.…

One night, Jim was walking home when, all of a sudden, he = caught a thief reaching his hand into his pocket.  Jim and the = pick-pocket began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground as Jim put = up a tremendous fight.   However, the thief managed to…

I just ate a = frozen apple. Yes, I know. That’s hard = core.   You may ask = why my flock of sheep is purple.  Well, it’s because I herd = it through the grapevine.   An fellow from = India has moved in next door. He has traveled to all…

If cats and dogs didn’t have fur, would we still pet = them?   If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then = what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?   If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?   If swimming is good for your…

A fiend = suggested a way to relax is to list all the states I’ve been in = over the course of my life.Have you ever tried that?  Sounded = like fun!   So far = I’ve listed . . .   *Depressed=   *Bewildered   *Emotional = Wreck  …

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police = were questioning Sean.   "Did she say anything before she died?" asked = the detective.   "Yes, but it will be difficult to = share.” When the detective asked him why, he answered = “There’s a lot of…

[A song for my = funeral, and for every day until then] Be still, my soul: the = Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.Leave = to thy God to order and provide; in every change, He faithful will = remain.Be still, my soul:…

After our long road trip, I mentioned to my wife that = whenever possible I’m now going to use valet parking.   When she asked why, I asserted that valets at least = remember where they parked my car.   Makes sense to this old codger. = ~~ Dr Bob…

At a planning dinner for our college class upcoming = 50th reunion, several of my friends were arguing whether men = or women were more trustworthy.   "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can = keep a secret."   "I don’t know about that," answered a gal from = our…