Uncategorized

Read in the paper about a fellow who had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE’. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced: “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and…

[Grif.Net readers have submitted more “I met a man . . . ” humor. Don’t blame me.] I met a man who needed to lose weight so he went to the hardware store to buy a gallon of thinner. I met a monkey who backed into a fan and cut…

Dante’s View and Our Choice By BOB HAYNES, Benton County (Arkansas) Daily Record In Death Valley, there is a place known as Dante’s View. From this location you can look down into the lowest spot in the United States, a depression in the earth 200 feet below sea level called…

I met a man who fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he’s fully recovered now. I met a butcher who backed into the sausage grinder and got a little behind in his work. I met an optician who fell into the lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself. I…

The Pope was finishing his Palm Sunday sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, “Tutti Homini” – Blessed be Mankind. A women’s rights group quickly complained to papal officials. They noticed that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded…

January 1st: “My children and I will learn Hebrew this year.” April 1st: “My children and I will weekly eat one dozen bagels with lox.” January 1st: “I will get the kids the pet they’ve always wanted.” April 1st: “I will buy a collar and a leash for my chia…

Living in Wyoming, I loved the outdoors. Because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family has always eaten a considerable amount of wild game. We eat so much wild game, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,…

Wife to Husband: “I think the Pastor is on a diet. He kept mumbling about being good low-carb Christians, and not partaking of the forbidden fruit.” Assistant Pastor to Pastor: “It was tough to keep their attention during the service, but you kept them awake. Many have yawned, but few…

“Walking down a path through some woods, I saw a water puddle ahead on the path. I angled my direction to go around it on the part of the path that wasn’t covered by water and mud. As I reached the puddle, I was suddenly attacked! “Yet I did nothing…

[What a way to start out April with three days of really bad puns and word-plays. But that’s it. Maybe. April 15th is coming! Always a joke!] Scientists have announced that we have made contact with an alien race whose planet is entirely covered by one gigantic shopping center. The…

He made money sending thousands of junk emails to people, but one day he made a mistake and sent a whole load of them to a famous Hollywood actress. She was so angry that she had him beaten up, and that’s how he came to be known as The Star…

Here are some feeble attempts at puns for a new month. No foolin’. “Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying. I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.” “My friend Max hates going up steep hills. He’s always been a bit…

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the…