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Familiar quotations from memory? Often we THINK we know what they are, but we’re off a tad in a word, phrase or punctuation. 1. From “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” complete the following: “Water, water everywhere . . . 2. From Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, what words follow “Alas, poor Yorick.”…

[Each day this week we will have some enjoyable “word play” games. You may want to stretch your brain privately or feel free to send me your answers. We’ll start easy!] Elizabeth Barrett Browning was not the first or last to ask, “How DO I love thee? Some suggested answers…

“Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding.” (Job 28:28) [So how does one go about doing that? Fearing God and not doing wrong? St Paul gives us the answer in the first letter he wrote to the young church in Corinth,…

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished a how much he had learned in seven years. Mark Twain To an adolescent, there is nothing in…

“While childhood is the time of life when you make funny faces in the mirror, it is Middle Age when the mirror gets even.” “Middle age is…when you think all of your friends are showing their age…but not you.” “Middle Age is when I need my false teeth and my…

Charles Schultz: “I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time.” Henny Youngman: “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” Ann Landers: “Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” Lewis Grizzard: “Life…

Quit worrying about your health. It’ll go away. I’m not old. I’m chronologically gifted. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. It isn’t the age that bothers me. It’s the mileage. Support bingo. Keep Grandma off the streets. My wife gives me sound advice.…

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. Stay away from prunes. Don’t pull your dad’s finger when he tells you to. Never leave your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment. If…

[Jason reminded me of my wife (a Grandma) by this forward] The principal use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven. It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was…

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the post office is?” The little boy replied, “Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks…

Jay Leno shared this story on Tuesday: “A lady has been arrested for stealing from Wal-Mart, and part of the charges including teaching and making her children steal while they were in the store with her at Wal-Mart as well. This story is so unbelievable…when was the last time you…

[Since we did “Doctors” yesterday, it only seemed fair . . Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn’t at work?] YOU KNOW YOU’RE A NURSE IF… You would like to meet the inventor of the…

The wife of a Las Vegas doctor phoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged. “Sorry, Madam,” came the reply, “the house does not make doctor calls.” ~~ Did you hear about the doctors on strike against the huge managed-care network? HMO officials said they’ll find out…