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“I’s very happy,” said Olga, a medical student, in perfect English. — in the Lynchburg (VA) Daily Advance Sadness Is No. 1 Reason Men and Women Cry — the Omaha (Nebraska) World Herald Light meals are lower in fat, calories — the Huntington Herald-Dispatch (West Virginia, Southern Ohio, and Eastern…

[Adapted from a note going around the ‘net] No nursing home for me. I am checking into the Holiday Inn! With the average cost for a nursing home per day reaching nearly $200.00, there is a better way when I get old & feeble. I have already checked on reservations…

Sport’s Nicknames of famous athletes are sometimes funny and often descriptive. How good is your knowledge of these oddly-named Sports stars? 1 Jim Grant (baseball) – 2 Ron Jaworski (football) – 3 Willie Mays (baseball) – 4 Michael Jordan (basketball) – 5 Lou Gehrig (baseball) – 6 George Lemon (basketball)…

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The women’s group voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The pastor-parish relations committee accepted your job description…

Here’s a quiz for those who don’t have enough “green” to spend on the super-sales of “black” Friday and invest their time more wisely, like reading the Grif.Net. Every answer has “Green” in it, so they aren’t too tough . . . 1. Early US currency 2. Tune of “What…

By the President of the United States of America, a Proclamation. The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they…

Thanksgiving Prayer: May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have never a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs! Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! (And yes, I DO know how to…

(We have some engineers in our church and Ecunet had a special theological quiz for them. You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon) The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of…

EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,…

1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools, no special ballots for elections, and all government business will be conducted in our language. 2. Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote, no matter how long they are here. 3. Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold…

I’ll give hints or phonetic spelling of words that you should be able to figure out . . but knowing the missing word is the EASY part; can you SPELL this baker’s dozen correctly? 1. Musical instrument like a piano you squeeze is ____________ 2. In the military, the rank…

There was this new restaurant in town that everyone was talking about because it had a robot-waiter. A man walked in to see this for himself. He sat down and sure enough, a robot was waiting tables. The man ordered a soda, and the robot asked him what his IQ…

[Purportedly copied from doctors’ notes on charts] 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15 Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had…