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Diapering: 1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging…

Mommy’s wardrobe: 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. _____________________________________________________ Preparing for the Birth: 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.…

During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke.…

[Bob forwarded this chuckler] A little girl asked her mother, ‘How did the human race appear?’ The mother answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.’ Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, ‘Many years…

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in…

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though…

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’ ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’ A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’ Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the…

The minister selected a fifty-cent item at a convenience store, but discovered he didn’t have any money with him. “I could invite you to hear me preach in return,” he said jokingly to the owner, “but I’m afraid I don’t have any fifty-cent sermons.” “Perhaps,” suggested the owner, “I could…

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?” He reminded the other dinner guests what…

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s finally in bed!” ~~ ANSWERS TO COLORING QUIZ aGREEiNg BLoUsE brOChuRE BROWsiNg CaYmAN cLIMbEr CORdiAL cRiED eTErnAL GOLfeD GReAsY…

A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. “Dear God, thank you for these pancakes…” When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having fried chicken. He smiled and said, “I thought I’d see if He was paying attention tonight.” ~~…

My granddaughter Cami Rose turned 6 yesterday and when I called I mentioned that her middle name was so pretty because it was a flower and a color. Of course, this got me thinking about making up a quiz game for her (and you all, if you dare). Just look…

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute…