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[Dave said his wife forwarded this to him. Wonder why??] WOMEN’S REVENGE “Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your…

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street,…

[Carol forwarded this interesting collection on the subject] “There are two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and so on.” — Robert Byrne “They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick’s Day: the Irish and the people who drive them home.” — Conan…

[I missed this on the wires, but Bob forwarded the news release] President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics. He stated: ‘Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, O la nadada ha salido ya del pais.’ Translation: ‘Pretty much everyone…

‘Some people!’ snorted a man standing some distance behind me in the long line at the grocery store. ‘You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line,’ said a woman. I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw…

[Larry forwarded this irreverent summary of the Bible from little eyes] In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God…

The buzzword of this election is “CHANGE.” Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Years ago, there was a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the “Gunny” that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The “Gunny” responded, “Aye, aye,…

[Joyce forwarded these examples of “speaking Suthran”] When you hear someone say, ‘Well, I caught myself lookin’,’ you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say ‘sweet tea’ and ‘sweet milk.’ Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we…

Sue forwarded this from the “Scientific Journal of America”, June 1, 2008 Research has lead to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass…

Man: “Doc I am having a problem in remembering things.” Doc: “And when did this problem start?” Man: “Problem? What problem?” Man: “Doc, my wife thinks she’s a motorcycle.” Doc: “Give her this pill and she’ll be okay.” Man: “But if I do, how am I going to get home?”…

[Enjoyed celebrating our nation’s birthday last week, so here is a compilation of thoughts on our “real” roots often missing in modern textbooks] Did you know that 52 of the 55 signers of The Declaration of Independence were orthodox, deeply committed Christians? The other three all believed in the Bible…

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why…

LB writes that “The other day my neighbor came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly, but I thought, ‘What in the world??’, and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, ‘I have some…