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[For new subscribers to the Grif.Net: on Monday-Friday we send out a slightly warped blend of humor. On the weekend we send out material that is more serious of a moral, ethical, religious or political nature. This weekend I think it odd to be celebrating two birthdays. Thought I’d share…

STOCK MARKET DEFINITIONS FOR SAVVY 2009 INVESTORS CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investment banker to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET — A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets…

BUSINESS NEWS 1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the building standing. It’s called the stock market. 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are?

10 Most Expensive Catastrophes in History #10 Titanic – $150 Million #9 Tanker Truck vs. Bridge – $358 Million #8 Metro Link Crash – $500 Million #7 B-2 Bomber Crash – $1.4 Billion #6 Exxon Valdez – $2.5 Billion #5 Piper Alpha Oil Rig – $3.4 Billion #4 Challenger Explosion…

Norinne – “I just joined a group of Accordion Players” Teresa – “Oh,” (kiddingly) “is it a Twelve-Step Group?” Norinne – “No, it’s a One-and-a-Two step group” Mourner at funeral – “He looks so natural” Widow – “You should have seen him two weeks ago.” Friend – “What time is…

A Federal Agent from the Bureau of Land Management: Department of Water stopped by a ranch west of Casper and talked with an old rancher. He told the codger, “I need to inspect your farm for your irrigation allocation.” The old rancher said, “OK, but don’t go in that field…

[Tiger Woods spoke at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington during “We

[Today is the 36th anniversary of my ordination. After pastoring a few years following grad school in Dec 1970, my church asked me to stand for ordination. We also brought our firstborn son home from the hospital that day – what a joyous (and stressful) day! Was thinking about that…

THE DOCTORS’ OPINION OF THE BAILOUT (from Peggy Randle) The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they…

A delegation of indigenous Mexicans went on a state visit to China. Of course, there was a formal banquet planned. The Chinese chef had read that their ancient culture believed that, when you eat something, you absorb the qualities of that animal or plant. So he prepared a dinner of…

[A string of a dozen Pearls of Wisdom from “A Prairie Home Companion”] If it weren’t for Venetian blinds it would be curtains for all of us. During the Stone Age men took everything for granite. Shouldn’t one ask for ‘stop coughing’ medicine? A hard boiled egg is hard to…

My cousin is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. A few weeks ago she and her husband were shopping and he bought her one of those fancy drip electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. The sales clerk carefully explained to her how everything…

What is the best-known Christian song in the world? What Christian song has been translated into more languages than any other song? The answer may surprise you. You know the song well. In fact, it’s probably one of the first songs you ever learned. Back in the mid 19th century,…