Daily Humor

I WILL READ = MORE IN 2023. (Start by turning on closed captioning on the = television)   I WILL DRINK = NO MORE COFFEE. (But no less, either)   I WILL NOT = DRINK ORANGE JUICE. (After brushing my teeth in the = morning)   I WILL LIMIT =…

[First of the = month puns, continuing the 2022 series of Tom Swifty jokes. This month = are “N” adverbs.]   "Why are = you lying down so close to me in the Garden of Eden?" asked Adam = naively.   "You’re a = real zero," said Tom naughtily.  …

“It is = not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” = – Sir = Edmund Hillary   “The = moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do = it.” – J.M. = Barrie   “If you = hear a voice within you say,…

The pastor was = handed a note to read that said, “Mark Anderson having gone to = sea, his wife desires the congregation to pray for his = safety.” The pastor scanned it, then announced, “Mark = Anderson, having gone to see his wife, desires the congregation to pray =…

A pastor found = a note on the pulpit.  It contained only one word – = “Stupid”. He read it aloud to the congregation, then = added, “I have often received notes that were unsigned beneath = nasty messages.  But this is the first one I’ve received with = no…

[I’m old = and grumpy, so need a change in songs heading to the new year. Julie = Andrews “adjusted” words of a song made famous in Sound of = Music.  Describes us quite well, as the calendar begins its flip to = 2023.  Sing it with me; you know…

Richard G = boasted, “I just finished writing a step-by-step guide on how to = fall down the stairs.”   Mark I = noticed, “The X belongs in Texas. Christ belongs in = Christmas.”   Penni L = posted, “You can steal my memes if you want, but I lick…

A friend said, = "Well, here we are again. Christmas is over, the year ending, and = we are all moving one step closer to a leading role in ‘On Golden Pond.’ = Actually, unless I get a handle on my weight, I might land the part of = the…

[It has been = the Griffin family tradition to read the Christmas Story from Luke 2 = before opening gifts on Christmas morning. In 1970, in our first = Christmas as husband and wife, we sat in a quiet apartment and read. In = 2022, we sit in the quiet…

Tragedy struck = the home of America’s most popular poet. On July 9th, 1861, Henry = Wadsworth Longfellow’s wife, Fanny, was near an open window sealing = locks of her daughter’s hair in a packet, using hot wax.  It was = thought that a spark from a match or a candle…

[Not a = “quiz” per se but have fun seeing what odd trivia you = know.  Answers below]   1. We know = according to the song that all the little boy wanted for Christmas was = his two front teeth,  But WHY did he want = them?   2.…

Best wishes = for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, = non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within = the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, = but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to = practice their own religion…

[Plan how to = respond when you receive a Christmas gift you just don’t like. You = might say . . .]   10. Hey! = There’s a gift!   9. Well, well, = well …   8. Boy, if I = had not recently shot up 4 sizes that…