Daily Humor

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family = =2E . . in another city. ~George Burns   = Insanity do= esn’t run in my family. It practically gallops. = ~Cary Grant   When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove, Illinois.= When I was twelve, I…

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side. Bear patiently the= cross of grief and pain. Leave to your God= to order and provide; in every change, He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul; your best, your heavenly friend th= rough thorny ways leads to a joyful…

I believe the invention of the shovel was groundbreaking. But the earlier invention of the broom swept the = nation.   ~~ “Hello everyone, and welcome to p= lastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a lo= t of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointe=…

[I don’t mean to count chickens before they hatch, but th= ese chicken nugget jokes are golden! Why not dip into them now?]=   I ordered 3 drin= ks at the drive-thru window. I hoped they wo= uldn’t realize all 4 20-pack boxes of chicken nuggets were for me.  …

[Exclusive to the Grif Net reporters]  At the fifth lar= gest US airport, an individual (later discovered to be a teacher) was arres= ted trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, = an undisclosed number of sharp #2 pencils, a slide rule, and a…

[Questions a Dad Might Ask] >>Do cannibals like to= meat people?   >>If two vegetarians are arguing, do they have a beef with ea= ch other?   >>Is turning vegan a big missed steak?   >>Do butchers link sausage= s to make ends meat?   >>If a pea rolls off…

[When can a person start using “Dad Jokes”?  T= he answer should be apparent. Here are some lousy dad jokes WITHOUT the pun= ch line/answer. Your task is to complete each to make children everywhere g= roan and roll their eyes. Have fun with this very odd quiz.]   1.…

He Will See Me Safely Home (Ecclesiastes 12:1-7)   When I fail to hear = the voices blending, And my arms grow weak = that once were strong, When I no more see t= he rainbow bending, And the night be lonel= y and be long,   = When my…

[These odd thoughts courtesy of an odd frien= d, er, old friend. Blame him, not me.] The inventors of the ferris wheel= and merry-go-round never met. Evidently, th= ey traveled in different circles. &nbsp= ; The inventor of the heat index factor died rece= ntly. He was 81 but felt…

[Alric knows I love puns, especially “story puns” w= ith twisted conclusions. This was right up my alley.] =   A big Viking was shopping a= t a small-town market when he saw an older lady in a wheelchair, almost in = tears. “What’s the matter, dear?” he asked.  …

Mike B concluded, “This year’s Spelling Bee winner correc= tly spelled ‘psammophile.’ I’ll use it in a sentence: if you ca= n spell psammophile, you’re a geek.”   Ken H said, “I don’t understan= d why people must ‘get ready’ for bed. I’m always ready for bed= =2E”   Dellis…

Q: Why should you research the best firework stands before maki= ng your purchase? A: You want to get the bes= t bang for your buck   Q: When is the only time that the colors red, white, and bl= ue don’t represent freedom? A: When they are= flashing behind…

[First weekday of the month means puns, and this is the next-to= -last batch of Tom Swifty jokes, focused on “U”]   "The bank doesn= ‘t even want me as a depositor," said Tom unaccountably.   "Get Smoky out= of here!" said Park Ranger Tom unbearably.   "My Chinese cookie…