Daily Humor

My good friend Jim asked me what I had gotten Teresa for Mother’s Day a couple weeks ago. I replied, “I bought her a bag and a belt.” Jim was shocked, “Really? That was good thinking. I’m sure she appreciated those.” I shook my head no as I responded, “I…

[While I am a traditionalist and celebrate Memorial Day on May 30, I know many who have bought into the “long weekend” mentality. So celebrating it both today AND Saturday. Of course funny today, with more serious on the real Memorial Day] Little Jonah stood at attention watching the rows…

In 1887 Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years prior: “A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to…

[To conclude our week of food tips and tests, here in something to consider about food/drink that just may be past its prime] The Gag Test – Anything that makes you gag is spoiled except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night. Eggs – When something starts…

[In our focus this week on food and drink, we thought it wise to share some facts about eating chocolate] 1. If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly. 2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat…

[After yesterday’s important warning about “bread”, Pastor Dan responded: “One really crummy post from a crusty old man. No matter how you slice it, is this half-baked post something we kneaded?” Alrighty then. Today we turn from bread to coffee. Keep a tally of the YES responses to these 30…

Important Warning for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread: 1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all…

50th high school reunion upcoming. Heard about a husband who went with his wife to her 50th high school reunion. After meeting several of her friends and former schoolmates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cranks up and people begin to…

[This week I zinged students/teachers as the school-year closes. Here are some thoughts on teachers that are worth looking at again.] Newspaper correction: “It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Week. It is actually Teacher Appreciation Week.” ~~ During the presidency of Dwight Eisenhower, James Michener…

In addition to the individual “school pictures” taken each grade, as the school year ended the children were all photographed as a class. Their teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think,” she said, “how nice it will be to look…

[Many students have spent the last 9 months in college and maybe, just maybe, gotten too used to that life. Do YOU need to go home for the summer?] Maybe you’ve been in college too long if . . . *You consider McDonald’s to be “real food”. *You would actually…

A small boy was struggling with his math homework. After a while, he turned to his father and asked, “Dad, can you help me?” His father frowned and said, “I could, son, but you know that just wouldn’t be right, would it?” “Probably not,” said the boy, “But you could…

Having seen their twelve-year-old son fail every subject in school the fall semester, my friends decided to send him to a special tutor this spring. As the semester was winding down, they asked the tutor how he was doing. “Well, now he’s getting straight A’s,” said the tutor. “That’s great,”…