Daily Humor

On the = passing of baseball great Yogi Berra, we submit some of his famous = sayings “It ain’t over till it’s = over.” “It’s deja vu all over = again.” “I usually take a two-hour nap = from 1 to 4.” “Never answer an anonymous = letter.” “You can…

[Another short batch of puns to help those still looking in my window every night to see if there are more.] Last night the wife and I watched three Star Wars DVD’s back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV. Conjunctivitis.com – now that’s a site for…

A young boy woke up early in the morning and = decided he would do something special for his visiting = Grandmother.  He had learned how to use the Keurig, so fixed her a = cup of morning coffee and surprised her with it in bed.   Grandma was thrilled…

A friend in Wyoming wrote about "Beating a = Dead Horse".  He said that Dakota tribal wisdom says that when = you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to = dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead = horses, including the…

15 years ago Rod & LaRee sent me an article = that said the way to achieve inner peace is to “FINISH THINGS = YOU’VE STARTED”.   It is = definitely working for me. I am now making a point of always finishing = what I start, and I think…

During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades. Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his direction. Scrambling for…

[Final batch of real Newspaper Headlines; thanks to all my friends for submissions] Corduroy Pillowcases Making Headlines Mayor to Homeless: “Go Home” Teen Pregnancy Rate Drops after Age 25 Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police Breathing Oxygen Linked to Staying Alive Kansas Growers Planting Wheat, Harvesting Corn Meeting on Open…

A Pastor went to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he talked for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talked for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talked for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had…

[Still a few clamoring for or about lousy puns. August spoiled them with overabundance. Sad.] My 2014 New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating so long. What’s ET short for? Probably because he’s only got little legs. People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow. I cut my finger…

TIME FOR ANOTHER QUIZ, this time about your hair and nails. And even if you are bald, you are not exempt from this one. 1. TRUE/FALSE Facial hair grows faster than any other hair on the body. 2. Every day the average person loses about ___ to ___ strands of…

A young boy called the pastor of a local church and asked him to come by to pray for his mother, who was very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they were members of another church down the road. So the pastor asked, “Shouldn’t…

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. “You’ve got so many freckles, there’s no…

[For July/August/September – as long as we get more sent in (thanks Ken, for many of these) – each Friday Grif.Net will focus on real Newspaper Headlines] Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement Most Earthquake Damage Caused by Shaking Croc Has Beef with Cow Breathing Oxygen Linked…