Daily Humor

The following is a sampling of answers received on exams giv= en by the California Department of Transportation’s “driving school&#= 8221; (read: Saturday Traffic School – mandatory for moving violation offen= ders; don’t ask how I know). &= nbsp; Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian = is crossing…

Nearly 400,000 veterans and dependents, pres= idents and paupers, are buried on the expansive grounds of the Arlington Pl= antation of George Washington Parke Custis. The mansion, buil= t in 1818, was the nation’s first memorial to his adoptive grandfather, Geo= rge Washington. The home became the repository of hundreds…

Memorial Day weekend was over, and the pre-school teacher as= ked her little charges what they had done for the holiday.  After hear= ing of family travel, picnics, and trips to the cemetery, she took the oppo= rtunity to remind her class about patriotism.   "We live in a great…

Soldier, rest! thy warfare o’er= ,Sleep the sleep that knows no= t breaking:Dream of= battled fields no more,Days of danger, nights of waking. In our isle’s enchanted hall,Hands unseen thy couch are strewing,Fairy strains of music fall,Every sense in slumb= er dewing. Soldier, rest! thy warfare o’er,Dream of fighting fields…

Freedom Is Not Free [Kelly= Strong]   I watched the flag pass by one day. It fluttered in the breeze. A young = Marine saluted it, and then he stood at e= ase. I looked at him in uniform So young, so tall, so proud, = He’d stand out in…

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily= produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a n= ew hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.   It is expected to help with= sleep while reducing the number of trips older people must make to the…

I visited a cafe one day with my friends. The waiter recommende= d that we try the specialty coffee they advertised. We agreed and s= oon the coffee arrived. As we drank the brew, we realized that it tasted te= rrible, just like dirt or mud.   Disgusted by the…

This is a multipart message in MIME format. ——=_NextPart_000_05A3_01DAAC2B.3E485570 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”us-ascii” Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit [All information taken from Roots of English (Robert Claiborne). There are 600,000 words in the English language, greater by far than any other tongue (for instance French has 300,000; Russian 150,000). How did the modern English…

Ten funny questions to ask in church:   Q. What did Jonah’s wife s= ay when he told her about how long it took to reach Nineveh?  A. This story sounds a little fishy.   Q. What Bible charact= er knew the most people? A. No one is sure, = but…

This is a multipart message in MIME format. ——=_NextPart_000_016B_01DAAAA2.D0148300 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”us-ascii” Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit People think “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Come to think of it, I see why. I wonder if this pool is safe for diving? Guess it deep ends. Found a pencil with erasers on…

Difficult because we think that ha= ppiness is foundonly in the pl= aces where wealth and fame abound. And so we go on searching in palaces of ple= asure,seeking recognition and = monetary treasure, Unaware that happiness is just a state of mind within the reach of everyone who takes…

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that = if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gu= n powder on her oatmeal every morning. T= he granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died l=…

Between Sunday School and Morning Worship at our church, the el= der’s wife would put out “snacks” for the children (while= the adults sought out the coffee urn in hopes of staying awake for the pre= aching).  Each child was to take an orange and a cookie.   A little…