[First weekday = of the 5th month and on to “E”, the = 5th letter for adverbs in our Tom Swifty pun = parade]   "Now I = can do some painting," said Tom easily.   "I used = to work for the railway company," said Tom = extraneously.  …

By faith in = Christ I walk with God,With heav’n, my journeys’-end, = in view;Supported by his staff and rod,My road is safe and = pleasant too, I travel through a desert wideWhere = many round me blindly stray;But He vouchsafes to be my = guide,And will not let me miss my way. Though…

LADIES:  = If that young man . . .   *Smiles and is = pleased to see you every day   *Is kind, = complimentary   *Asks you how = your day is going   *Supplies you = with everything you ask for   *Wants God to = be a…

Today, my = bride celebrates her birthday, and no, I’m not revealing her = age.  Me? I’m 74 and glad she’s finally caught up with = me. I wanted to collect some upbeat wishes to share with her.  = Thankfully, she doesn’t waste time reading this blog, so I am…

A father = wanted to prove that he’s not just some boring house Dad, so he got his = first tattoo.   When he got = home, he excitedly showed it off to his wife and = kids.   "Oh, = cool! It’s . . . what exactly IS it?"…

[I got a lot = of groans from yesterday’s pun, so had to try to outdo the word = play today.  Remember, you didn’t ask for it.] To = measure puns properly, you must use a sighsmograph. =   I saw a guy in = a store without a mask.…

A fly felt a = bug on its back.   "Hey, bug = on my back, are you a mite?" the fly asked.   "I mite = be," giggled the mite.   "That’s = the worst pun I’ve ever heard," groaned the = fly.   "What do = you expect?"…

NEW PSALM 23 FOR SPRING AND = SUMMER   Recreation is my shepherd; I shall not stay at = home.   It maketh me to lie down in a sleeping bag. It leadeth me down the interstate each = weekend; It restoreth my suntan. It leadeth me to state parks…

A poodle and a = collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his = friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is = mean and chain me up. My girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer. And = I’m as jittery as a cat.”  …

There was an = old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started = losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. = That day, he called his children to a meeting.   He said, = "Look at my…

[Local shops = are following the truth-in-advertising rules in their clever = signage] **We’re better than anyone faster, and faster than = anyone better.   **If you want = it yesterday, be sure to get your order in three weeks = ago.   **We can do = work good, fast,…

Candace B = prayed, “Thank God I’m an = atheist”.   Mel M asked, = “Anyone know where to get fresh ice cubes? I don’t want any = frozen ones.”   Judi S = rejoiced: “Just found a pen at work and realized it must have been = mine. When…

Paul Revere’s = Ride by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow   Listen, my = children, and you shall hear Of the = midnight ride of Paul Revere, On the = eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five; Hardly a man = is now alive Who remembers = that famous day and year.   He…