A poodle and a = collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his = friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is = mean and chain me up. My girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer. And = I’m as jittery as a cat.”  …

There was an = old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started = losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. = That day, he called his children to a meeting.   He said, = "Look at my…

[Local shops = are following the truth-in-advertising rules in their clever = signage] **We’re better than anyone faster, and faster than = anyone better.   **If you want = it yesterday, be sure to get your order in three weeks = ago.   **We can do = work good, fast,…

Candace B = prayed, “Thank God I’m an = atheist”.   Mel M asked, = “Anyone know where to get fresh ice cubes? I don’t want any = frozen ones.”   Judi S = rejoiced: “Just found a pen at work and realized it must have been = mine. When…

Paul Revere’s = Ride by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow   Listen, my = children, and you shall hear Of the = midnight ride of Paul Revere, On the = eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five; Hardly a man = is now alive Who remembers = that famous day and year.   He…

[Philip P. = Bliss, 1838-1876, wrote this simple song encompassing the mission two = thousand years ago of our Savior.  And we join the simple refrain = today – Hallelujah.]   “Man of = sorrows” – what a namefor the Son of God, Who cameruined = sinners to reclaim:Hallelujah, what…

**My former = tax preparer is the best at finding loopholes.  Ask anyone in his = cellblock.   **My dream is = to make so much money people resent how little I pay in = taxes.   **Dear IRS: I = would like to cancel my subscription.  Please remove my…

We were tired = and sad after the funeral of a good friend. Realizing we were also = hungry, my wife and I stopped at a Chinese restaurant for a quick = bite.   Our relaxing = time came to an abrupt halt, though, when I read the fortune =…

A highway = patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the highway. Looking at the = car, he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was = knitting.   The trooper = opened his window and yelled to the driver, “Pull over! Pull = over!”  …

Some surgeons = were talking about the best type of patients on which to operate . . = .   The first = surgeon said, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when = you open them up, everything on the inside is = numbered."   But the second…

=E2=80=8B[Feel = free to borrow any of these jokes without attribution. I did.] I = got lost in the forest, but fortunately I=E2=80=99d followed advice and = had a compass with me. I was able to draw perfect circles while I = was waiting to be rescued. =E2=80=8B=E2=80= =8B My…

What kind of = king are you?  What kind of = king rides on a donkey, a donkey that might be borrowed, or might be = hijacked? What kind of = king builds a castle with a wide-open door for children to enter but a = needle-eye sized hole for…

Instead of going to Starbucks, I = make coffee at home, mispronounce my own name as loudly as possible, = then light a $5 bill on fire.   Jeff said, “I don’t = call it coffee. I prefer the term, “break fluid” that makes = you go.”   A yawn…