It’s = scary . . . when your stomach starts making the same noises as your = coffee maker.   It’s scary . . . when = even the wood in the forest is petrified.   It’s scary . . . when you = dress the whole family up in…

[Here = are the top ten reasons you know you are TOO OLD to Trick or = Treat] 10. You get winded from knocking on the = door. 9. You have to have another = person chew the candy for you. 8. You = ask for high fiber candy only.…

[From a USA Today, March 2003, article on = ‘Cowboy Churches’ in Texas. These are the Ten Commandments = posted on the front wall of the church. Don’t think they are from = the King James Version.] (1) Just = one God. (2) Put nothin’ = before God. (3) Git…

I heard that regular naps = prevent old age. Especially if you take them while = driving.   When I was young I did stupid = things because I didn’t know any better. Now I know better, and do = stupid things because I miss being young.   A diplomat…

17% of the people in the world (over 1.1 billion = people) live on less than $1 per day.   The United = States has 5% of the world’s population, and 25% of the world’s prison = population.   35% of the people who use personal ads for dating are…

My doctor told me, "You = have the body of a twenty-year-old.” I was pleased until he added, = “But you should return it. You’re stretching it completely out of = shape."   You’re not old until a = teenager describes you as middle-aged.   I’ve reached the age where…

The first-grade teacher was = showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could = name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, = "That’s a sheep!"   "That’s right!" said = the teacher.   "How about THIS one?" =…

Everyone my age is older than = me.   ‘You’re aging = gracefully’ is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking = worse.   He is so old that he gets = nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.   You’re old enough to remember = when…

Teresa is spoiling me rotten. With my leg in a cast = and limited mobility and elevated pain, she tells me to stay in my chair = and asks me “What can I make you for lunch?”  = We’ve been married almost 48 years and she has always been there…

Q: = Where does a one-legged waitress work?A: At = IHOP   Q: What = occurs one time in a minute, twice in a moment but not even once in an = hour? A: The letter = “m”   Q: What geometrical shape would = be likely to be in…

[continued from last week’s lesson on the = foreign dialect spoken of in the southern USA. If you missed part one, = go to our blog at htt= p://grif.net/2017/10/100917-grif-net-hah-tu-spek-suthrun/]=   RETARD – Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age = 65."   TARRED – adverb. Exhausted. Usage:…

[In our weekly Odds & Ends department, we focus on = food]   Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital = without a McDonalds.   The Pilgrims = ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.   German’s Chocolate Cake was created in America = by baker Sam German.  The…

[Odd = thoughts rolling thru my mind today]   As a = pastor, I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send = money.   If Cain = and Abel were Siamese twins, would they have their own show called = ‘Cable’ on cable?   Opportunity may knock once,…