&#822= 0;Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of peo= ple under you and nobody’s listening.” Bill Clint= on   “Recession is when your neighbo= r loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Ji= mmy Carter loses his.” Ronald Reagan…

&#822= 0;No man who ever held the office of president would congratulate a friend = on obtaining it.” John Adams   “If it were not for the reporters, I would tell you the trut= h.” Chester A. Arthur   “When I hear a Democrat boasting himself of the age of…

&#822= 1;There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep th= an love. Well, love and a birth certificate.” Barack Ob= ama   “I am not worried about the de= ficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” Ronald= Reagan   “These stories…

[Not = just on Presidents Day, but all week we will share quotations from our illu= strious leaders.]   ”If I had to nam= e my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness,= it’s possible that I’m a little too awesome.”= Barack Obama   “When they…

Last = week, I took my children to a nice family restaurant. My six-year-old son a= sked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads, he said, "God is gr= eat. God is good. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more i= f…

[FREE ADVICE FOR VALENTINE’S DAY from Dr. Bob, culled from m= y experiences of being happily married for nearly 3 years. Which is not bad= , since I’ve been married 56 years . . . ]   *There are two ways to handle a = woman. Nobody knows either of…

[How = big a space do I need to write about this subject? As mushroom as possible.= ]   Momma always told me, “You are w= hat you eat.” I started eating mushrooms every day be= cause I wanted to become a fun guy.   What= is the result of…

[A bl= og reader asked for cucumber/pickle jokes. Sorry. When life gave me lemons,= I have to dill with it.]   Walking down t= he road last night, I passed a lemon cake, some lemon cookies, and a lemon = custard. I thought, “The streets are strangely desserte= d tonight.”…

[Hope= you are all ears for our jokes about corn. And more jokes in the shopping = cart for the week ahead!]   How much does = pirate corn cost? A buck an ear.   How much does a corn flake weigh? 1 Kelloggram.   What the corniest part of…

[My j= okes last week about apples, bananas, and avocados raised a crop of obvious= ly jealous readers. But I just don’t carrot all and am going to conti= nue for a while.]   Why was Frosty inspect= ing the carrots at the grocery store? He was picking his nose=…

= “The question isn&#821= 7;t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”= ~~Ayn Rand   “The most di= fficult thing is the decision to act; the rest is merely tenacity.” ~~Amelia Earhart   “It = is still best to be honest and truthful; to…

= [Wednesday’s banana jo= kes and Thursday’s apple puns were easy. Avocado jokes for Friday? Sh= ould have waited a week for Friday the 13th) Don’t rub avocado in your eyes. You might get guacom= a.   What do you call an avocado that was = ripe 2 weeks ago?…

=   = [What i= s the core reason apple jokes and puns are so funny? Find out below.]   I went to the small corner store today = to buy some Fuji or Granny Smith or Delicious apples, but they didn’t= have any. It was a fruitless trip.  = Friend…