Q: When is the best time to buy potting soil? A: When a sale makes it dirt cheap.   Q: What sort of television programs focus on migrating water = fowl? A: Duckumentaries Q: What do you call a neighborhood where = several authors live? A: A writers’ block.  …

[A friend who teaches ESL – English as a second language – = shared some sentences that caused trouble for her students to = understand]   1) The bandage was wound around the wound.   2) The farm was used to produce produce.   3) The dump was so full…

A Californian = winery managed to create a new type of wine by crossing Pinot Blanc with = Pinot Grigot.   As a side = effect, it reduces the number of times people need to get up to use the = bathroom during the night.   It is being =…

Flat-earthers = may walk to the end of the world to prove it’s flat, but = eventually they’ll come around.    After all, the = only thing Flat-earthers have to fear is sphere = itself.   Since I can = say ‘So Long’ in 17 languages, that makes me very…

* If you find = yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. =   * Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain Dance. =   * Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. * = The biggest troublemaker you’ll…

Last week in = Sunday School, the kindergarten class teacher was discussing correct = moral conduct based on the Ten Commandments with her five and six year = old’s.    After = explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy = mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that…

Visiting with = a fellow “senior” for coffee, we began venting about the = woes of modern technology.   I grumbled, = "I just can’t ever seem to remember my passwords."   My friend = smiled. "Oh really? I can never forget = mine!"   “How do = you manage…

Good News: You = baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You = lost two of them in the swift current.   Good News: The = Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The = vote passed by 31-30.   Good News: The =…

From Michelle = – “FYI, you pee on a jellyfish sting NOT on a jelly = stain.  My apologies to the waitress at Waffle = House.”   From Johnny = – “Breaking News: Wealthy Christians outed in scheme to get = their kids into elite Vacation Bible = School.”  …

With the class = sitting quietly on the reading-rug, the first-grade teacher read the = story of the Three Little Pigs.  She came to the part of the story = where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his = home.    After reading, = "And so…

* You cannot = unsay a cruel word. * Every = path has a few puddles. * When you wallow with pigs, expect to = get dirty. * The best = sermons are lived, not preached. * Most of the stuff people worry = about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.…

Q: How does a = home schooler change a light bulb? (this is based on real life and not a = joke) A: Mom checks = three books on electricity out of the library Kids make = models of light bulbs Read a = biography of Thomas Edison and do…

FUN CANDY QUIZ = – Can you tell what popular CANDY answers each = description?   1. Five = slipper ones 2. Fourth = planet 3. Heaps and = piles 4. Devious = laughter 5. Annual = income (we wish) 6. Famous New = York street 7. Favorite = day…