A friend said, =
"Well, here we are again. Christmas is over, the year ending, and =
we are all moving one step closer to a leading role in ‘On Golden Pond.’ =
Actually, unless I get a handle on my weight, I might land the part of =
the pond."
I hate to beat =
a dead horse, but the weight thing is getting to me. Over the years, my =
friends have watched me between being "chunky" and =
looking like Jabba the Hut. I no longer fluctuate. Now I inflate. I’ve =
moved past Jabba the Hut, and I’m moving quickly toward Jabba the =
Condominium.
I decided to =
have the fat content of my body analyzed. I already knew I was too fat, =
now I was going to pay someone to tell me how much too fat I was. They =
told me I would be weighed under water. The theory is that muscle and =
bone sink, money talks and fat floats. If you give $75 to someone with a =
white coat and a supreme-being air about them, they will weigh you on =
dry land and then weigh you under water. The difference between the two =
figures allows you to compute what percentage of your body is =
fat.
A huge crane =
extended out over the deep end of a swimming pool. Hanging from the =
crane was a swing-like device. This was the scale. The assistants to the =
Supreme Being strapped me in the swing, and the white-coated one =
maneuvered it out over the pool. The swing suddenly plunged into the =
water. The doctors cannot get an accurate reading until the chair stops =
bouncing. Do you know how long it took for the chair to stop bouncing? I =
saw Jesus at the end of a tunnel gesturing for me to come to the =
light.
I had begun to =
move toward the warm glow when I was suddenly jerked from the water. As =
I gasped for air, the light faded, and the doctor proclaimed, "Yep, =
you’re fat!"
"I want a =
second opinion," I pleaded.
The nurse =
turned and sniped, "He’s right. You’re =
fat."
Enough of that =
abuse! If you want to know the fat content of your body, I have =
developed a method that won’t cost you a cent. Next time you get out of =
the shower, grab a stopwatch, and stand in front of a full-length mirror =
with no clothes on. Start the watch and stamp your foot on the floor as =
hard as you can. When stuff stops moving, punch the watch and check the =
time.
I’m down to =
two days, three hours, and six minutes.
Just a thought =
for after-Christmas dieters. Not much hope for this body, but eternal =
possibilities for this soul.
[copied]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin =
[email protected] =
www.grif.net =
"Jesus =
Knows Me, This I =
Love!"