Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the
box.
(It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No
one knows why.)
Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Iron Works, Lumber Liquidators,
Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, or Plains Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts
and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores.)
(It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. Illustration: “From NAPA
Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68
Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.”
Rule #10: Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
(Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. No
one knows why. Tell him the gas line may leak. Oh the thrill! The
challenge! “Who wants a hamburger?”)
Rule #11: Rope.
(Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins or at least the Boy
Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope. No one
knows why.)
Rule #12: Men love chain saws.
(Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don’t know why –
please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.)
Rule #13: It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder.
(Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one
knows why.)
Rule #14: Tickets to a Broncos game are a smart gift.
(However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century
Amish Quilts.” Everyone knows why.)
Rule #15: Food. Standard in-your-cupboard snacks. Cookies. Kipper Snacks.
Crunch ‘n Munch.
(Safe, crunchy, munchies. Slide a jar of olives down an empty Pringle’s can,
then fill to the top with the few chips you haven’t eaten. He will feel the
weight and know it is not just crisps and the look in his eyes when he
discovers the special jar is priceless. And YOU will be rewarded, too.)
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”