Here are some tidbits I learned (the hard way) from five years in Texas:
~If you drive into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive
pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them,
just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
~Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
CAUTION: Do not buy food at this store.
~”y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all y’all’s is plural
possessive.
~Get used to hearing “You ain’t from round here, are ya?”
~Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can’t
understand you either.
~The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s
vocabulary is the adjective “big’ol,” as in “big’ol” truck or “big’ol” boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of
them are in denial about it.
~The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
~Be advised that in Texas, “He needed killin” is a valid legal defense.
~If you hear a Texan exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this,” you should stay out
of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
~If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go
there.
~And if they say a big ole hurricane is heading to your town, go directly to
the grocery store and buy all manner of canned goods, especially Spam and
Vienna (pronounced Vy – Enna) Sausages, cause they’ll go quick.
~If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept
them as real Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we
wouldn’t call ’em biscuits
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”