JER=
USALEM, (Religious News Service) — Continuing the current trend back =
towards turn-of-the-century monopolies, it was announced today at a =
press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.
An =
industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 =
years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not =
available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having =
twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming =
prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world =
will be able to enjoy consistently high quality service during the Five =
Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Mas=
sive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking =
being the hardest hit.
As =
part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, =
currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming =
unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to =
"A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel =
will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff =
happens."
In =
exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus =
and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their =
gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for =
at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children =
could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for =
dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared =
to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this development, =
especially the Dental Unions.
A =
spokesman for Christmukah, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of =
Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that =
were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between =
Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair monopoly =
cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, =
Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.
He =
then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing =
rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."
~~
Dr Bob Griffin =
[email protected] =
www.grif.net =
"Jesus =
Knows Me, This I =
Love!"