A woman who worked for years with the dying wrote a list of the top 5
regrets people say aloud on their deathbed. This confirmed my desire NOT to
say any of these.
1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life
others expected of me.”
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life
is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many
dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half
of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had
made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the
way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health
brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. “I wish I didn’t work so hard.”
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their
children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this
regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female
patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted
spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it
is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating
more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new
opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As
a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they
were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the
bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may
initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the
end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either
that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way,
you win.
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until
their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many
had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden
friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not
giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses
their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But
when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life
fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if
possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for
them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they
love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.
It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that
remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that
happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The
so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well
as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and
to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to
laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from
your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before
you are dying.
[Forward – thenextweb.com]
[Note from Grif – I wondered what was missing from this list. #1 in my book
should be “I wonder if I am prepared for eternity.” The sad truth is that
even on a death-bed, knowing they will soon face God, most will not
seriously see their need of His grace and blithely slip away into eternity
depending on their own religious code or works . . and face not a Savior,
but a Judge.]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”