Grif.Net

03/06/19 Grif.Net – Ordination Memories

03/06/19 Grif.Net – Ordination Memories

[Lots of =
variation of this old humor monolog back from my undergrad days.  =
But it made me look at ordination (nearly 50 years ago today) with great =
fear and trepidation]

 

Down in the =
deep south lived a man known in his county as “Uncle Zeke.” =
He became a Christian and began to give his testimony and fill the =
pulpits of some of the churches in that area. He decided that if he was =
going to be a preacher, he should be ordained. Accordingly the preachers =
were called together in a council and ordination proceeded to get under =
way.

 

One of the =
preachers asked the question, “Uncle Zeke, does you know de =
Bible?”

 

“Does I =
know de Bible! Man, I knows de Bible from cover to cover, and I knows de =
cover too, cause it says ‘Holy =
Bible.’”

 

Another =
preacher asked, “What’s yo’ favorite book of de =
Bible?”

 

“Well, I =
likes de book of Luke de best cause it contains de parable of de good =
Samaritan.”

 

“One of =
the preachers said, “Suppose you tells us the story of de good =
Samaritan.”

 

“Oh, =
yeah, there was a man going down de road from Jerusalem to Jericho. As =
he went down de road, he fell amon thieves and immediately de thorns =
rose up and choke him a hundred fold: but the angel of the Lawd strove =
with him and sit him free. Now about that time the Queen Aseba, she come =
by and give that man 30 pieces of silver. With that 30 pieces of silver =
he went out and bought hisself a schariot. He got in de schariot and =
drove furiously until he come to Jupurant tree which he caught his hair =
in de branches der of and der he hung many days and many nights, and the =
ravens brought him food ta eat and water ta drink. Till finally, one =
night Delilah come cut his hair off; and when he fell, he fell on stony =
ground – some 30 fold, some 60 fold, and some a hundred =
fold.

 

“When he =
looked up, he saw a cloud what wudn’t no beggah than a mustard =
seed. And it commenst to rainin’ forty days and forty nights. But =
de Lawd prepared za great fish what swallowed him up for de duration of =
de great tribulation. Now when de seven years was complete that fish =
spit him out. When de Lawd had done fed him on manna and quail, he came =
up out of de cave and when he looked down he saw a great big giant- =
yeah, it was Golia, but he passed by on de other =
side.

 

“As he =
went down the road further there was a man what told him to come get his =
supper. He said, ‘Man, I can’t come git my supper. I married =
a wife and I can’t come.’ That man went into de highways and =
byways and compel him git his supper. After he had eaten sumptiously, he =
said, ‘Did not my heart burn within =
me?’

 

“And he =
perceeded down the road and came to Jercho. He seen Jezebel up in de =
winder. He looked around and said, ‘Who is on de Lawd’s =
side?’ They said, ‘We is!’ He said, ‘Fling her =
down boys,’ and they flang her down. He said, ‘Flang her =
down again, boys,’ and they flang her down again. He said, =
‘Flang her down again.’ and they flang he down again. He =
said, ‘Flang her down again!’ They took that gal to the top =
of the pinnacle of the Temple, and they flang that gal down 70 times 7, =
and of the fragments that remained, they picked up twelve baskets =
full.

 

“Now, =
they’s just one question I’d like to ask this =
council.”

 

“Uh, =
what that, Uncle Zeke?”

 

“Whose =
wife she gonna be in the last days of judgment?”

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"