POSITION: Mom
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent
work in an often chaotic, environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work various
hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts
on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway
cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also
required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: This is for the “rest of your life.” Must be willing to be
hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be
willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina
of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
incase, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying
wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as
small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be
indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly
and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery
operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the
worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end
product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT ANDPROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to
remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training
offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that
college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you
give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary
scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”