[Saw that Tiger won again and caused me to consider the unwritten but very
real laws in effect with this pastime.]
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This
law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency
to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your
worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of
people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven
in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the
greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the
tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the
LAW 6: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate
golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 7: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works
LAW 8: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 9: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 10: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”