The following list was compiled by a Lutheran who, observing other
Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard. Having been raised in
Minnesota, I laughed and laughed at the accuracy of the list (laughed WITH
them, not AT them). Feel free to change this to your favorite religious
1. Lutherans believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray
2. Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn
with more than four stanzas.
3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if
they don’t notify them that they are there.
4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their
way of suffering for their sins.
5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during
their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children’s choirs would make the
kids too proud and conceited.
7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while
passing the peace.
8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LC-MS groom make
for a mixed marriage. (For those of you who are not Lutherans, ELCA is
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and LC-MS is Lutheran Church-Missouri
10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own
wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.
12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keillor stories are totally factual.
13. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the
season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add a little too much
14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take
themselves too seriously.
[Thanks to Ken for the forward]
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”