The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
And the winners are:
Coffee, n: The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over
by a steamroller.
Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”