Grif.Net

[MY APOLOGY for the messed up half-finished grif.net I was working on. As many know, I have a disease affecting hands and feet . . and evidently I hit something and instead of saving it to finish up in 10 days, it was sent unfinished last night. Duh. Spam-R-Us. I’m…

BE THANKFUL Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to? Be thankful when you don’t know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn. Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow. Be…

Useful Metric Conversions You Won’t Learn in School * 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone * 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds * 10 cards = 1 decacards * 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche * 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake * 1 trillion pins = 1…

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know. But then we tried to get his tusks off, which was very difficult. Of course in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa. But that’s entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about…” “I never forget…

We all remember PIG Latin from childhood games. Some of us enjoy REAL Latin as well. But what about FISH Latin? Caviar Emptor – Beware of the fish. Carp Diem – Seize the fish. Veni, Vidi, Fishy – I came, I saw, I fished. Cod Erat Demonstrandum – Proving the…

When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write, if the copy is right. If however, your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services you write rite, and have the right to copyright the rite you write. Very conservative…

This is a men/women comparison of the usual groundbreaking topic, “Did you get a haircut?”] WOMEN’S VERSION: Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman2:…

[Personal: This is a reprint from Nov 2000. As many of you know, my health is not good and my disease is moving into my hands and causing great challenges to typing. I may never get “better” and that is a bitter pill to swallow! I am not able to…

I’m sure it will support my weight. It’s just a few scattered lightning bolts. We should be out of range here. That’s not smoke, that’s steam. That should be enough gas to make it across Nevada. It’s so tame you can put your head in its mouth. It was fresh…

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Earl the computer guy, to come over. Earl clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem in under a minute! He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him,…

Leash. A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go. Dog Bed. Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. Drool. What you do when your…

These are the results of a contest, in which Boomers were asked to tell Gen X’ers how much harder you had it in the old days: RUNNER-UP: In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire…

Dave Barry is always the source of some great thoughts. Funny but pithy. Here are some that tickled me this Monday morning: 1 The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2 People who feel the need to tell you that they have…