Grif.Net

I met a man who fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he’s fully recovered now. I met a butcher who backed into the sausage grinder and got a little behind in his work. I met an optician who fell into the lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself. I…

The Pope was finishing his Palm Sunday sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, “Tutti Homini” – Blessed be Mankind. A women’s rights group quickly complained to papal officials. They noticed that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded…

January 1st: “My children and I will learn Hebrew this year.” April 1st: “My children and I will weekly eat one dozen bagels with lox.” January 1st: “I will get the kids the pet they’ve always wanted.” April 1st: “I will buy a collar and a leash for my chia…

Living in Wyoming, I loved the outdoors. Because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family has always eaten a considerable amount of wild game. We eat so much wild game, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,…

Wife to Husband: “I think the Pastor is on a diet. He kept mumbling about being good low-carb Christians, and not partaking of the forbidden fruit.” Assistant Pastor to Pastor: “It was tough to keep their attention during the service, but you kept them awake. Many have yawned, but few…

“Walking down a path through some woods, I saw a water puddle ahead on the path. I angled my direction to go around it on the part of the path that wasn’t covered by water and mud. As I reached the puddle, I was suddenly attacked! “Yet I did nothing…

[What a way to start out April with three days of really bad puns and word-plays. But that’s it. Maybe. April 15th is coming! Always a joke!] Scientists have announced that we have made contact with an alien race whose planet is entirely covered by one gigantic shopping center. The…

He made money sending thousands of junk emails to people, but one day he made a mistake and sent a whole load of them to a famous Hollywood actress. She was so angry that she had him beaten up, and that’s how he came to be known as The Star…

Here are some feeble attempts at puns for a new month. No foolin’. “Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying. I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.” “My friend Max hates going up steep hills. He’s always been a bit…

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the…

[Back snug at home after 2500+ travel. Visualize 6 grandkids all sitting around “Grandpa” and singing at the top of our lungs “Grandma’s Feather Bed” and you can understand the past 10 days! But loved every minute!] Here are some jokes t0 make the grandkids laugh while I’m gone .…

I have to admit it. My liberal friends were right. They told me if I voted for McCain, the nation’s Hope

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, “Wash. Biol. Surv.” The following letter from an Arkansas camper…