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Okay, I’ve been encouraged NOT to quit my day job with the lousy word play a few days ago. But it got me thinking . . . For some people the only puns they make are about dairy products, because the rest are just too cheesy. When they think of…

[These are all actual lines from performance appraisals.] 1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching. 2. A room temperature IQ. 3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. 4. A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an ordinary…

I lost a wrench in the long grass in the yard while working on an old car. Thankfully, my dog “Mace” loved to go sniffing around in the weeds and wouldn’t you know, HE found it and brought it to me. No prayer. No worry. But thinking of writing a…

Anyone else remember your Mama saying these things? Seems like just yesterday I could hear her voice . . Be sure and refill the ice trays, we are going to have company after while. Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter in the mail today. Either come…

In a speech, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich gave some challenging and sober thoughts, worthy of a weekend more serious Grif.Net: “The third thing I want to talk about very briefly is the genuine danger of terrorism, in particular terrorists using weapons of mass destruction and weapons of…

Bank, Rupp & Baroque . Loans While You Wait Bright, Light & Powers . Electrical Specialists Flowers, Bush & Hedges . Landscaping Cook, Books & Hyde . Accountants Dewey, Cheatam & Howe . Tax Law Dolittle and Dalley . Efficiency Consultants House & Holmes . Real Estate Moon, Starr &…

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get…

Limericks are an odd sort of humor to begin with, but I found these two to be exceedingly clever (and odd) word plays: A flea and fly in a flue, Were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the flea let us fly. Said the fly let us flee. So…

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” -Winston Churchill “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” -Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”…

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” -Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” -Moses…

THE JOY OF TEACHING. The story is fictional but gives a tongue- in-cheek look at how things might have been in Rabbi Jesus’ class: Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and, gathering them around him, he taught them, saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is…

[Will from Mississippi sent these ideas] “Curious George and the High Voltage Fence” “Strangers Have the Best Candy” “The Little Sissy Who Snitched” “Some Kittens Can Fly!” “Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her” “The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let’s Go…

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack…