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[Not just ONE bad pun or word play, but several for the new year!] When a thief steals a calendar he should get twelve months. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. If one takes corn illegally from a garden. should you be…

I grew up in the “Land of 10,000 Petersons” (Minnesota), did grad work and pastored in Wisconsin and live now in Wyoming. I KNOW winter. But for those in SoCal (we enjoyed Christmas in Orange County) or Florida who may not remember, this is what we are doing in the…

[Sue forwarded this list and I feel very positive about starting out the New Year] 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you think. 4. Watch more TV. You’ve been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. 6.…

Last day of 2007. So a quiz (or course) is in order. In WHAT YEAR did these famous “last” events take place? And a BONUS question related to that event. Answers coming some time next year. 1a LAST YEAR a US President had facial hair? 1b What political position did…

[translated from Spanish] God created the burro and said to him: You will be a burro; you will work tirelessly from sun-up to sun-down carrying burdens on your back, you will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a burro. The…

A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. “One United States Marine is better than ten Iraqi!” The Iraqi commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun battle breaks and…

[Know there are many folks of other/no religious persuasion, but I am an unabashed Christian and rejoice each year at the retelling of the Christmas Story.] And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.…

Dear Santa, I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could…

[More of the best Bumper stickers I’ve come across. Feel free to vote for a favorite] Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around. WWSD – What would Scooby do? The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list. I am…

[Bumper Stickers worth a chuckle. Feel free to vote on your choice] Gravity – It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW! All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography Nobody’s perfect.…

[Help to parents who want to communicate with their children over the Christmas break] Your bedroom isn’t cluttered; it’s just “passage restrictive.” Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.” You’re not late; you just have a “rescheduled arrival time.” You’re not having a bad hair day;…

AMBIGUOUS RELIGIOUS THOUGHTS 1. Is atheism a non-prophet organization? 2. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 3. If you go to a bookstore and ask “Where is the self-help section?” are you defeating the purpose? 4. If a deaf person swears,…

I grew up with practical grandparents who had been frightened by the Great Depression in the 1930’s. And a mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it. A father…