[After her recent cruise, Sharon Jackson wrote this prayer; throw stones at
her]
Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble, obedient cruising servants,
who are doomed to cruise this earth, taking photographs, mailing postcards,
buying souvenirs, eating ourselves silly and walking around muggy Caribbean
islands in drip-dry underwear.
We beseech You, our Lord, to give us non-stop flights, to see that our
planes are not hijacked, our luggage is not lost, our overweight baggage
goes unnoticed, and that there is no hurricane anywhere on the planet during
our chosen cruise week.
Protect us from zealous Immigrations Officers who swear our “certified
copies of our birth certificates” are forged; from suspicious Customs
Inspectors who insist on seeing the $1,000 worth of T-shirts we bought in
Nassau; from unscrupulous over-charging Jamaican taxi cab drivers, from
avaricious porters who would search our bags and discard all the soda
therein, and from Guest Relations Clerks whose knowledge of the English
language stops at “This ship is full. Don’t even THINK of asking for an
upgrade.”
Give us this day Divine guidance in the selection of our cruise ships, that
we may find two level showrooms, wide promenade decks, alternative dining
options, a pizzeria, our staterooms made up with the twin beds converted to
a king, a cabin steward who understands what lots of ice means, and that we
actually paid less than the folks in the cabin next door.
We pray that our waiter and busboy speak our language, our iced tea glasses
are kept filled at all times, and that there are no emergency shore-to-ship
phone calls from our children which would force us to cancel the rest of our
cruise or wash dishes in the galley to pay the balance on our shipboard
account.
Lead us, Dear Lord, to 2-for-1 specials on deluxe cruise ships where the
food is superb, the waiters friendly, the beverages and port charges, taxes
and government fees all included in the price; and that Richard Simmons was
on LAST week’s cruise.
Give us the wisdom to tip correctly and forgive us for under-tipping out of
ignorance or over-tipping out of fear. Make the crew learn to love us for
who we are and not for what we can contribute to their families back in
Turkey.
Grant us the strength to attend the daily aerobics classes on deck, to work
out frequently in the health spa, to use the stairs at all times, and to
order only one or two main courses at dinner.
Permit us to book beauty appointments, massage sessions, thalassotherapy
treatments, and to browse through the onboard shops and boutiques without
sending our VISA cards into convulsions.
Allow us the will to attend all shore talks and the stamina to sit through
another debarkation talk. Give us the strength to keep us from heckling the
comedians and from making fun of the Cruise Director and the karaoke
performers.
Help us become educated and wise cruisers, visiting the museums, the
cathedrals, the forts, the palaces, the castles and the rain forests listed
in the shore excursion booklets. If perchance we skip an historic monument
to take a nap on a beautiful sandy beach, have mercy on us, for our flesh is
weak.
[Added prayer by Husbands]
Dear God, keep our wives from signing us up for the “Not so Newlywed Game”,
from shopping sprees in St. Thomas, and away from the slot machines at all
times. Protect them from bargains they do not need or can`t afford. Lead
them not into temptation for they know not what they do.
[Added prayer by Wives]
Almighty Father, keep our husbands from gawking at all those partially-clad
women strutting around the ship’s pool comparing them to us. Save them from
making fools of themselves in the Disco and in the Passenger Talent Show.
Above all, please do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly
what they do.
And now, All Together. . .
And when our cruise is over and we return to our loved ones, grant us the
favor of finding someone who will look at our videos and slides, and listen
to our stories, so that our lives as cruisers will not have been in vain.
This we ask in the name of Julie, Doc, Isaac, Gopher, and Captain Stubing.
Cruising without end. Amen.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given