Rules for my Dogs
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I can
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do NOT think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping; they can actually curl up in a
ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory – or even desired.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog’s rear end. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
[The same rules apply to cats, except they ignore you, until you are asleep]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net