[Forwarded from CSR who should know] HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men’s work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with an old, well-read copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine. 3. Put four giant…

1. Your thumb is nearest to you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C. S. Lewis once said, a “sweet duty.” 2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for…

This is an old grif.net first sent out by me in 1997!! Obviously back in circulation and many re-sent it to me during this heat wave, saying it sounded “just like my sort of humor”. It was! So will recycle again this summer because it IS so hot that .…

[ML sent this with the reminder for us grandparents to ‘make sure you understand the question before you give an answer’] An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, “Grandpa, what is couple sex?” The grandfather was surprised that she would ask…

Does the length of ‘in a minute’ depend on which side of the bathroom door you’re on? If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches? If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Why do you have to “put your two cents…

I ventured into a local bakery, carefully examining all the rich looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached me and asked, “What would you like?” So I answered, “I’d like that chocolate covered donut with sprinkles, a Bavarian cream-filled bismark, a raspberry jelly donut, two…

I Cor 3:8 “The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor.” Walking through the forest, a seasoned hiker came upon a broad, slowly moving river. He stopped to gaze over the waters, appreciating the beauty, when…

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible he found in a dusty trunk. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-another had printed it. “Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector. “Yes, that was it!” “You idiot! You’ve thrown away one…

Overheard: If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? Overheard: Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re not wearing clothes at work. Overheard: It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know. Overheard: I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get…

About the time our new nation won its independence and adopted their new constitution, in 1787 Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years prior: “A democracy is always temporary in nature; it…

[Saw that Tiger won again and caused me to consider the unwritten but very real laws in effect with this pastime.] LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the…

[Bill & Beth SAY they like good puns. Then they sent me these to use on the Grif.Net blog. Words do not always match action, methinks.] Flags in July are the decoration of independence. Have you been impacted? The tooth always hurts. I looked at the Rorschach test, but had…