[Bob J reported this story:] In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman says, “The Lord be with you.” The congregation used to respond by saying, “And with thy spirit.” But, with the modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, “The Lord be with…

When I take a long time… – I am slow When my boss takes a long time – he is thorough When I don’t do it… – I am lazy When my boss doesn’t do it – he is too busy When I do something without being told… – I…

[Top ten excuses for not doing math homework] I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames. Today is Isaac Newton’s birthday. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn’t actually reach it. I have the proof, but there isn’t room to write it in…

1. On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” Wouldn’t that save time? 2. On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary! Details inside.” So, you just rip the package open, read the details, and then put the package back on the shelf? 3. On…

[My daughter is coming this week. She has a PHOBIA about our pantry, cupboard, fridge and freezer. She must think we old folks can actually READ those little expiration date codes on the boxes and cans. Or that we CARE. Anyway, here are some “rules” to follow for food safety.…

A friend shared this – While I was sitting in my parked car on the street one day, a young woman in the car ahead came over and asked me if I had a hammer she could borrow. When I said no, she got one from the man in the…

[When I get the message “Your computer has performed an illegal operation”, I get frustrated. How much better to see it in Haiku? Here are some of the best.] The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall…

A fellow walked in to a nice Mexican restaurant. At the table they brought him a beverage, some chips and salsa to nibble on as he looked over the menu. “Nice shirt”, a voice came from nearby. He looked around, but didn’t see anyone who might have said it. Continuing…

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to given the necessary assurance to their partners at each stage of the pregnancy. “Ladies, remember that exercise…

[A loyal grif.net subscriber in Cody sent me this story.] Three friends decided to go hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher. As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot at the same time and the buck…

[Many have today off to celebrate the 4th of July. Let’s remember this sage advice from thousands of years ago.] “The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands…

RAGGED OLD FLAG I walked through a county courthouse square, On a park bench an old man was sitting there. I said, “Your old courthouse is kinda run down.” He said, “Naw, it’ll do for our little town.” I said, “Your flagpole has leaned a little bit, And that’s a…

[Getting ready for grandkids to come soon with ‘corny joke time’. Some of these are truly pathetic. The jokes, not the grandkids . . . ] Q. How is a healthy person like the United States? A. They both have good constitutions! Q. What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?…