AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which I traded for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42. BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom…

Did you ever think we’re missing part of the Bible stories by just reading the facts? Here are some additions of lines that their MOTHERS might have said . . . David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay…

“It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ~Woody Allen “Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” ~George Burns One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never…

A pastor placed his order at the pet store. “I need at least 50 mice, 2,000 ants and as many of those little silverfish you can get.” The clerk replied, “We can probably do that, but it might take some time. Mind if I ask why you are placing such…

Dr Adrian Rogers, 1931-2005 gave these statements some years back . . . You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the…

[The great theologian John Calvin was born July 10, 1509. In his honor we share some Calvinistic humor] A man wanted to become a minister, so he went to a theological college to enroll. But when he arrived, he was met at the gates, and given his degree without even…

A pastor friend forwarded this to me. [Not sure if it happened to him . . . ] At our church to save money on paper towels, we installed sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms. After two weeks, I had them removed. While they worked fine, I…

Rachel Zupek, of CareerBuilder.com, compiled these actual responses from job interviews. Maybe you were nervous, you thought the employer would appreciate your honesty, or maybe you just have no boundaries. Whatever the reason, you can be certain that you shouldn’t tell an interviewer that it’s probably best if they don’t…

Tomorrow, at 4:05 am and 6 seconds, it will be officially 04.05.06.07.08.09 Celebrate it. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin “Jesus knows me, this I love”

A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their…

[Would ask your prayers for us. We had a freak storm flood our home and garage, destroying many valuable possessions, including our freezer and hundreds of books in my pastoral library. It will take weeks and much strength (both Teresa and I are limited in that capacity) to get the…

Part of the correct answer to EVERY question is the 4th of July. What is missing, however, is the YEAR. Bet you can’t get even ONE correct. HARDEST 21. Republic of Hawaii formed = July 4th, ____ 22. At the Battle of the Horns of Hattin, Saladin defeated the Crusader…

Part of the correct answer to EVERY question is the 4th of July. What is missing, however, is the YEAR. Of course, THAT is the hard part!! HARDER 11. Dear Abby and Ann Landers (twins Esther Pauline and Pauline Esther) were born = July 4th, ____ 12. The very first…