12/07/11 Grif.Net – Christmas Dinner Prayer

A 4-year-old boy was asked to give the meal blessing before Christmas
dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his
prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he
thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his
aunts and uncles.

Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the
dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even
the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited– and waited. After a long silence, the
young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, “If I thank God for the
broccoli, won’t He know that I’m lying?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

12/06/11 Grif.Net – Christmas Bedtime Prayer

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before
Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their
prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his voice.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…

I PRAY FOR A NEW XBOX 360…

I PRAY FOR A NEW BASEBALL GLOVE…

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why
are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”

To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

12/05/11 Grif.Net – December on the Death-Star

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little
father-and-son chats with light-sabers drawn and sparks flying.

Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, “I know what
you’re getting for Christmas, Luke,” he said. “Oh, yes, I know!”

Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader’s
reach, “How do you know?” Luke yelled at him. “How do you know what I’m
getting for Christmas?”

Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, “The force is with me. And I felt your
presents.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

12/03/11 Weekend Grif.Net – Wonderful Message of CHRISTmas

“For God has shined in our hearts, to give us the light of the knowledge of
the glory of God. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, in order
that the excellence of the power may be of God, and not of us.” II
Corinthians 4:6-7

Some years ago, my son-in-law Mike shared a great explanation of the
“earthen vessels” in this passage. He compared them (and us) to Cool Whip
containers!

Now, admit it. All of us keep those emptied bowls with sealing lids for
cheap storage. Don’t deny it. They’re not great to look at. They’re not
fancy or expensive. And none seem to match. But they are 100% utilitarian.

This year I’ve found one in the Christmas tree box filled with replacement
light bulbs. Another one was seen in the fridge with leftover stuffing.
Three of them were piled high on the tool bench labeled ‘nuts’, ‘bolts’ and
‘nails’. And won’t even start to talk about them multiplying in the
grandkids’ toy box for storing Lego’s, pretty pony gear and Barbie
accessories.

We recognize that the intrinsic value is not in the CONTAINER itself, but
the CONTENT. My wife puts a piece of masking tape on the lid or side of
each cool whip bowl, labeling these non-descript containers so we know at a
glance what is in each.

And so it is with the life-changing, soul-saving power of God that He has
given me by His grace. Wonder why all the modern translations have missed
this one? In my personal translation I have this verse sounding something
like, “But we have this treasure in Cool Whip bowls, that the unsurpassed
power is demonstrated to be of God, not because of us.”

Brother, that’ll preach! And as long as we’re talking cool whip bowls, I
need to head out to the freezer for a new one (actually filled with cool
whip, if you can imagine). There’s a piece of pumpkin pie calling my name.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

12/02/11 Grif.Net – Free Gifts

Shorthanded at the clinic this week so I had to work three days. Always a
fun time to meet new and old friends. And telling them all about our
Christmas specials and how to receive valuable gifts (with a minimum
purchase, of course) is great.

But one dear lady left me speechless. After adding up her order of natural
health products and handing her the bill, she began to fumble and dig around
in her purse. After nearly a minute had passed, I thought I could help her
and speed things up a bit. So I asked, “Would you like a pen?”

She quickly reached out her hand and said, “Oh yes, that would be
wonderful.”

She then proceeded to finally dig out her wallet, paid for the products in
cash, put the pen I’d given to her in her purse and walked away smiling.

Guess I should have just said, “Well, Merry Christmas”.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

12/01/11 Grif.Net – December Bad Puns & Word Plays

I know a Wyoming rancher who has 200 head of cattle. He thought there were
only 196 until he rounded them up.

I burned my tongue eating the gourmet food. Obviously, it was hot cuisine.

He made money sending thousands of junk emails to people, but one day he
made a mistake and sent a whole load of them to a famous Hollywood actress.
She was so angry that she had him beaten up, and that’s how he came to be
known as The Star Mangled Spammer.

I got sent an early Christmas package the other day, but when it arrived it
was all damp. I complained at the post office, and they said it must have
had postage dew.

We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used
to be.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/30/11 Grif.Net – Inquiring Minds Want to Know

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If a bear takes over Disneyland, is it a pooh d’état?

If I tell jokes about other religions can I be put on the Sects Offenders
List?

If it weren’t for Venetian blinds would it be curtains for everybody?

Is having a child an heir raising experience?

Was a Smith & Wesson the first point-and-click interface?

If you cross a snowman with a vampire will you get frostbite?

If a man is irritated because he had all the digits amputated from his feet,
is he lack-toes intolerant?

~~

ANSWER TO QUIZ
1. Description of a silent person. = Mum
2. Name for a lady who marries for riches. = Marigold
3. Everyone has these on their face. = Tulips
4. You might find one of these on a safari. = Tiger Lilies
5. A fastener on a single man’s coat. = Bachelor’s Button
6. A country of automobile lovers. = Carnation
7. Good name for a guy’s biking club. = Cyclamen
8. He’s an awfully sugary bill. = Sweet William
9. They’re the dairy best blooms. = Buttercups
10. A peevish fairytale creature. = Snapdragon
11. A woman’s nightly footwear. = Lady’s Slipper
12. They hate to wait. = Impatiens
13. A fine looking jungle ruler. = Dandelion

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/29/11 Grif.Net – Blooming Idiot

I asked a friend if he knew his wife’s favorite flower. I recognized his
marriage was in trouble when he said, I think it is Pillsbury Self-Rising”.

Harvey up the road sent me some ‘Flower Riddles’ (answers are names of
flowers) and some are hard. Here’s a baker’s dozen . .

1. Description of a silent person.
2. Name for a lady who marries for riches.
3. Everyone has these on their face.
4. You might find one of these on a safari.
5. A fastener on a single man’s coat.
6. A country of automobile lovers.
7. Good name for a guy’s biking club.
8. He’s an awfully sugary bill.
9. They’re the dairy best blooms.
10. A peevish fairytale creature.
11. A woman’s nightly footwear.
12. They hate to wait.
13. A fine looking jungle ruler.

Answers tomorrow. If I remember.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/26/11 Weekend Grif.Net – Thanksgiving throughout the Year

Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/25/11 Thanksgiving Grif.Net – Fact or Fiction, part 2

6. Fact or Fiction: Native Americans used cranberries, now a staple of many
Thanksgiving dinners, for cooking as well as medicinal purposes.

Fact. According to the Cape Cod Cranberry Growers’ Association, one of the
country’s oldest farmers’ organizations, Native Americans used cranberries
in a variety of foods, including “pemmican” (a nourishing, high-protein
combination of crushed berries, dried deer meat and melted fat). They also
used it as a medicine to treat arrow punctures and other wounds and as a dye
for fabric. The Pilgrims adopted these uses for the fruit and gave it a
name-”craneberry”-because its drooping pink blossoms in the spring reminded
them of a crane.

7. Fact or Fiction: The movement of the turkey inspired a ballroom dance.

Fact. The turkey trot, modeled on that bird’s characteristic short, jerky
steps, was one of a number of popular dance styles that emerged during the
late 19th and early 20th century in the United States. The two-step, a
simple dance that required little to no instruction, was quickly followed by
such dances as the one-step, the turkey trot, the fox trot and the bunny
hug, which could all be performed to the ragtime and jazz music popular at
the time. The popularity of such dances spread like wildfire, helped along
by the teachings and performances of exhibition dancers like the famous
husband-and-wife team Vernon and Irene Castle.

8. Fact or Fiction: On Thanksgiving Day in 2007, two turkeys earned a trip
to Disney World.

Fact. On November 20, 2007, President George W. Bush granted a “pardon” to
two turkeys, named May and Flower, at the 60th annual National Thanksgiving
Turkey presentation, held in the Rose Garden at the White House. The two
turkeys were flown to Orlando, Florida, where they served as honorary grand
marshals for the Disney World Thanksgiving Parade. The current tradition of
presidential turkey pardons began in 1947, under Harry Truman, but the
practice is said to have informally begun with Abraham Lincoln, who granted
a pardon to his son Tad’s pet turkey.

9. Fact or Fiction: Turkey contains an amino acid that makes you sleepy.

Fact. Turkey does contain the essential amino acid tryptophan, which is a
natural sedative, but so do a lot of other foods, including chicken, beef,
pork, beans and cheese. Though many people believe turkey’s tryptophan
content is what makes many people feel sleepy after a big Thanksgiving meal,
it is more likely the combination of fats and carbohydrates most people eat
with the turkey, as well as the large amount of food (not to mention
alcohol, in some cases) consumed, that makes most people feel like following
their meal up with a nap.

10. Fact or Fiction: The tradition of playing or watching football on
Thanksgiving started with the first National Football League game on the
holiday in 1934.

Fiction. The American tradition of college football on Thanksgiving is
pretty much as old as the sport itself. The newly formed American
Intercollegiate Football Association held its first championship game on
Thanksgiving Day in 1876. At the time, the sport resembled something between
rugby and what we think of as football today. By the 1890s, more than 5,000
club, college and high school football games were taking place on
Thanksgiving, and championship match-ups between schools like Princeton and
Yale could draw up to 40,000 fans. The NFL took up the tradition in 1934,
when the Detroit Lions (recently arrived in the city and renamed) played the
Chicago Bears at the University of Detroit stadium in front of 26,000 fans.
Since then, the Lions game on Thanksgiving has become an annual event,
taking place every year except during the World War II years (1939-1944).

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/24/11 Thanksgiving Grif.Net – Fact or Fiction?

[A favorite website (history.com) has ten questions for this special day. We
will share five today and five tomorrow]

1. Fact or Fiction: Thanksgiving is held on the final Thursday of November
each year.

Fiction. In 1863, President Abraham Lincoln designated the last Thursday in
November as a national day of thanksgiving. However, in 1939, after a
request from the National Retail Dry Goods Association, President Franklin
Roosevelt decreed that the holiday should always be celebrated on the fourth
Thursday of the month (and never the occasional fifth, as occurred in 1939)
in order to extend the holiday shopping season by a week. The decision
sparked great controversy, and was still unresolved two years later, when
the House of Representatives passed a resolution making the last Thursday in
November a legal national holiday. The Senate amended the resolution,
setting the date as the fourth Thursday, and the House eventually agreed.

2. Fact or Fiction: One of America’s Founding Fathers thought the turkey
should be the national bird of the United States.

Fact. In a letter to his daughter sent in 1784, Benjamin Franklin suggested
that the wild turkey would be a more appropriate national symbol for the
newly independent United States than the bald eagle (which had earlier been
chosen by the Continental Congress). He argued that the turkey was “a much
more respectable Bird,” “a true original Native of America,” and “though a
little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage.”

3. Fact or Fiction: In 1863, Abraham Lincoln became the first American
president to proclaim a national day of thanksgiving.

Fiction. George Washington, John Adams and James Madison all issued
proclamations urging Americans to observe days of thanksgiving, both for
general good fortune and for particularly momentous events (the adoption of
the U.S. Constitution, in Washington’s case; the end of the War of 1812, in
Madison’s).

4. Fact or Fiction: Macy’s was the first American department store to
sponsor a parade in celebration of Thanksgiving.

Fiction. The Philadelphia department store Gimbel’s had sponsored a parade
in 1920, but the Macy’s parade, launched four years later, soon became a
Thanksgiving tradition and the standard kickoff to the holiday shopping
season. The parade became ever more well-known after it featured prominently
in the hit film Miracle on 34th Street (1947), which shows actual footage of
the 1946 parade. In addition to its famous giant balloons and floats, the
Macy’s parade features live music and other performances, including by the
Radio City Music Hall Rockettes and cast members of well-known Broadway
shows.

5. Fact or Fiction: Turkeys are slow-moving birds that lack the ability to
fly.

Fiction (kind of). Domesticated turkeys (the type eaten on Thanksgiving)
cannot fly, and their pace is limited to a slow walk. Female domestic
turkeys, which are typically smaller and lighter than males, can move
somewhat faster. Wild turkeys, on the other hand, are much smaller and more
agile. They can reach speeds of up to 20-25 miles per hour on the ground and
fly for short distances at speeds approaching 55 miles per hour. They also
have better eyesight and hearing than their domestic counterparts.

[Have a blessed Thanksgiving and focus on the super-abundance God has given
to even the poorest of us in His grace thru Jesus Christ our Lord]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/23/11 Grif.Net – Forecast for the Holiday

Weather Report: Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to
an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you
bother the cook, be ready for either a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice
through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates.
Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates
slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area,
with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey
will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the
refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will
be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50
percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend
where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low. The
only wish left will be the bone which will by then be both crisp and dry..

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”