Putting the Fun back in Fundamentalism
“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce Court
Judge said, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then
I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
[I used this story on Sunday to illustrate the nature of the human
condition]
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her
birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her
mother what she wanted. ‘Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.’
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble
at school and at home. Carol’s mother asked her if she thought she deserved
to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her
behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she
deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her
room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have be en a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn’t true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so
she tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn’t true either. She tore up the letter and started
again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven’t been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a
good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a
bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother
she wanted to go to church. Carol’s mother thought her plan had worked
because Carol looked very sad.
‘Just be home in time for dinner,’ her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the Catholic Church and up to the altar. She
looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the
Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the
street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down
and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
In honor of our Veteran’s on this special day, a little odd advice -
Friendly fire - isn’t. Recoilless rifles - aren’t. Suppressive fire - won’t.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste
a bullet on you.
If at first you don’t succeed, call in an air strike.
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it’s called an ambush.
The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they’re ready and when
you’re not.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director, ‘How do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?’
‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty
the bathtub.’
‘Oh, I understand, ’said the visitor. ‘A normal person would use a bucket
because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.’
‘No.’ said the Director, ‘ A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?’
[thanks Carol; I think I'd like a window view]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
Sixteen men elected President of the US were senators at one time. They
were: James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren,
William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Andrew
Johnson, Benjamin Harrison, Warren G. Harding, Harry S. Truman, John F.
Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard M. Nixon and now Barack Hussein Obama.
An alarming side-note: Obama is only the fourth sitting senator to ever be
elected president. The other three were James Garfield, Warren Harding and
JFK.
They all died in office. Garfield and JFK were assassinated, and Harding
died of a heart attack.
The Bible admonishes believers to honor, pray and submit to authority. This
weekend’s serious grif.net message is to echo that duty of Christian
citizenship:
“Let every soul be in subjection to authorities over him. For there is no
authority except from God; and those authorities that exist have been
appointed by God. So that any who set themselves against the authority
resists the ordinance of God; and those who resist will receive judgment on
themselves. For these officials are not terrors to good works, but to evil
ones.
Do you desire not to fear authority? Practice the good and you will have
praise from it; for he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do evil,
fear, for he does not carry the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an
avenger for wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore, [it is]
necessary to be subject, not only because of wrath but also because of
conscience.
For on this account you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers,
attending continually to governing. Therefore, render to all what is due
them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear;
honor to whom honor.
Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves others
has fulfilled the law. For, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not
murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and if [there is] any
other commandment, it is summarized in this saying: “You shall love your
neighbor as yourself.” Love does no evil to its neighbor; therefore love is
the fullness of the law.
Also this do, knowing the time, that [it is] already the hour we should be
roused out of sleep: for now our salvation is nearer than when we believed.
The night is advanced, and the day has drawn near. Therefore we should lay
aside the works of darkness and should put on the armor of light. As in the
day, we should walk properly, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in
sexual immorality and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the
Lord Jesus Christ, and do not make provision for the desire of the flesh.”
[Romans 13, GET Real Bible]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
“Jesus knows me, this I love”