Grif.Net

05/18/12 Grif.Net – Memory

Bob — Fri, 18 May 2012 06:12:14 +0000

An old elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a
turtle asleep on a log. Looking irritated, he ambled on over and kicked the
turtle clear across to the other side of the river.

“What did you do that for?” asked a passing giraffe.

“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk
53 years ago.”

“Wow, what a memory!”

“Yes,” said the elephant, “I have turtle recall.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/17/12 Grif.Net – Advice on Bears

Bob — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:11:03 +0000

A young boy from New York was being led through the mountainous back country
near Lander, Wyoming, by his friend. “Is it true,” he asked, “that a grizzly
bear won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?”

“That depends,” replied his young guide, “on how fast you can carry the
flashlight.”

“But if we see one”, the nervous lad continued, “how fast do you have to run
to outrun an angry bear?”

“Actually, I don’t have to be faster than a bear to escape being eaten,” his
friend commented. “I just have to be faster than you.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/16/12 Grif.Net – Sheep or Goat?

Bob — Wed, 16 May 2012 06:06:37 +0000

My sermon from Matthew’s Gospel was hard for a young boy in the church to
grasp. It dealt with the sheep and the goats, and I had urged everyone who
heard this to look at their lives to see which they were.

“I’m confused,” the lad concluded. “I don’t know which I am. Mother calls me
her little lamb, and Dad calls me his kid.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/15/12 Grif.Net – Home on the Range

Bob — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:37:21 +0000

A successful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast
life in Los Angeles and decided to chuck it all. He took his savings and
purchased a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming.

After a couple of months of enjoying solitude he heard the drumming of
hoof-beats outside his cabin. Grabbing his rifle he challenged the man
riding up on the horse.

“Don’t shoot, friend” the man said. “I’m your neighbor, I have a ranch only
6 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a gala ‘Welcome Party’ I’m
throwing for you next Saturday. There’s going to be music, dancing, hugging,
kissing, drinking, fighting…. We’ll have a great time”.

Not wanting to be unneighborly the new rancher lowered the rifle and asked,
“How should I dress?”

“Aw, don’t matter” replied the neighbor, “Only gonna be the two of us”.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/14/12 Grif.Net – Mother’s Day Report

Bob — Mon, 14 May 2012 06:07:12 +0000

Yesterday (Mother’s Day) a sweet young girl decided to do something special
for her mother. So early in the morning she snuck into the bedroom and
brought Mom a cup of tea.

“Why, you’re such a sweetheart,” the mother said as she drank the tea. “I
didn’t know you even knew how to make tea.”

“Oh, yes,” the little girl replied. “I learned by watching you. I put the
tea leaves in the pan and then I put in the water, and boiled it, and then I
strained it into a cup. But I couldn’t find a strainer, so I used the
flyswatter instead.”

“You what?” the mother gasped.

But the little girl added, “Oh, don’t worry, Mom. I didn’t use the new
flyswatter. I used the old one.”

[adapted from "Home with a Heart"]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/12/12 Weekend Grif.Net – Love Lessons

Bob — Sat, 12 May 2012 06:06:13 +0000

Just before Mother’s Day, a class of first graders were discussing a picture
of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than
the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a
little girl said, “I know all about adoptions because I was adopted.

“What does it mean to be adopted?” asked another child.

“It means,” said the girl, “that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of
her tummy.”

Stories of those who truly understood and cared for others abound on the
‘net. But the winner for me was a four year old child whose next door
neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon
seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

Whenever I’m disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about
little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. His
mother told me that he’d set his heart on being in it, though she feared he
would not be chosen.

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after
school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement.
“Guess what Mom,” he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a
lesson to me: “I’ve been chosen to clap and cheer.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/11/12 Grif.Net – New Battery

Bob — Fri, 11 May 2012 07:18:52 +0000

An angry driver went back to the garage where he had purchased an expensive
battery for his car just six months earlier.

He told the garage owner, “When I bought that battery, you said it would be
the last battery my car would ever need. Now six months later, it’s dead!”

“Sorry,” said the garage owner, “I knew you drove a Ford and just didn’t
think your car would last longer than six more months.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/10/12 Grif.Net – Helpful Hint

Bob — Thu, 10 May 2012 10:47:31 +0000

I always help the kids in church give me the “right” answers to questions I
ask during a sermon. So last week I asked the little ones “With what did
Samson arm himself to fight against the Philistines?”

None of the children could answer me.

“Oh, yes, you know!” I said winking, and to help them I tapped my jaw with
one finger. “What is this?” I asked.

This jogged their memories, and the group cried in unison, “The jawbone of
an ass.”

They ARE really smart.

Hey, wait a minute . .

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/09/12 Grif.Net – Food Questions

Bob — Wed, 09 May 2012 10:49:30 +0000

When a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?

What does cheese say when it has its picture taken?

If carrots help your eyesight, how come you see so many dead rabbits by the
side of the road?

What part of a fish is a fish stick?

If I ask the butcher for half a rabbit will I get in trouble for splitting
hares?

What cheese is made backwards? (Edam)

If you sent a cauliflower through the Internet, would it arrive as e-coli?

If I eat some metal paper fastenings will I have a more staple diet?

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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05/08/12 Grif.Net – Pizza Delivery

Bob — Tue, 08 May 2012 19:41:19 +0000

My friend called Dominoes and ordered a carry-out pizza. The order taker
asked, “Shall I cut it into six pieces or twelve?”

“Six please.” He responded. “I’m not hungry enough to eat twelve.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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