06/13/09 Weekend Grif.Net – Prayer for the Pastor

Let the minister have a place in your heart. Mention his name at your family
altar, and in your prayer closet. You expect him to come before you day
after day, to teach you the things of the kingdom, and exhort and stir up
your pure minds by way of remembrance. If he be a true minister, there will
be work to be done in this matter. He cannot write his sermon and read it to
you; he does not believe Christ said, “Go and read the gospel to every
creature.”

Do you know the cares of a minister? Do you know the trouble he has with his
own church-how the erring ones do grieve him, how even the righteous ones do
vex his spirit by their infirmities-how there will always be some great
trouble in the hearts of some of his people? And he is the reservoir of all:
they come to him with all their grief; he is to “weep with them that weep.”

And in the pulpit what is his work? God is my witness, I scarcely ever
prepare for my pulpit with pleasure: study for the pulpit is to me the most
irksome work in the world. I have never come into this house that I know of
with a smile upon mine heart; I may have sometimes gone out with one; but
never have I had one when I entered. Preach, preach, twice a day I can and
will do, but still there is a travailing in preparation for it, and even the
utterance is not always accompanied with joy and gladness, and God knows
that if it were not for the good that we trust is to be accomplished by the
preaching of the Word, it is no happiness to a man’s life to be well known.
It robs him of all comfort to be from morning to night pressed for labor, to
have no rest for the sole of his foot or for his brain-to bear every
burden-to have people asking, as they do in the country, when they want to
get into a cart, “Will the cart hold the weight?” -never thinking whether
the horse can drag it; to have them asking, “Will you preach at such a
place? you are preaching twice, couldn’t you manage to get to such a place,
and preach again?” Every one else has a limit; the minister has none, until
he kills himself and is condemned as imprudent. If you are determined to do
your duty in that place to which God has called you, you need the prayers of
your people, that you may be able to do the work, and you will need their
abundant prayers that you may be sustained in it.

I bless God that I have a valiant corps of men, who day without night
besiege God’s throne on my behalf. I would speak to you, my brethren and
sisters, again, and beseech you, by our loving days that are past, by all
the hard fighting that we have had side by side with each other, not to
cease to pray now. The time was when in hours of trouble, you and I have
bended our knees together in God’s house and we have prayed to God that he
would give us a blessing. You remember how great and sore troubles did roll
over our head-how men did ride over us. We went through fire and through
water, and now let us not cease to pray. Let us still cry out unto the
living God, that he may give us a blessing.

Oh! may God help me, if you cease to pray for me! Let me know the day when
you cease your prayers, and I must cease to preach. Let me know when you
intend to cease your prayers, and I shall cry, “O my God, give me this day
my tomb, and let me slumber in the dust.”

~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon, 1870

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/12/09 Grif.Net – Flu?

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

[Thanks grammak for the smile]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/11/09 Grif.Net – Rain?

[Since March 20th we've have 5 heavy snow storms and uncounted rain storms.
Very unusual for arid Casper. Last Sunday (June 7) was 37F and half inch of
rain. A friend in Seattle wrote me and said to QUIT WHINING about the
little bit of precipitation we get in Wyoming. And gave some examples from
her home town.]

What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle? A weekend.

It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through
July.

What does daylight-saving time mean in Seattle? An extra hour of rain.

What’s the definition of a Seattle optimist? A guy with a sun visor on his
rain hat.

How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Rainier, it’s going to
rain. If not, it already is.

A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. He gets up the next day and
it’s raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. He
goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and asks out of despair, “Hey kid,
does it ever stop raining around here?” The kid says, “How do I know? I’m
only 6.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/10/09 Grif.Net – Tornado

Everybody knows about the Fujita Scale which measures the power of tornados.
But nobody really knows what all those types of twisters do to COWS. So here
is the MOOJITA Scale…

M0 Tornado – Cows in an open field are spun around parallel to the wind flow
and become mildly annoyed

M1 Tornado – Cows are tipped over and can’t get up

M2 Tornado – Cows begin rolling with the wind

M3 Tornado – Cows tumble and bounce

M4 Tornado – Cows are AIRBORN

M5 Tornado – S T E A K !

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/09/09 Grif.Net – Degrees

The 2009 graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

The 2009 graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”

The 2009 graduate with a Business degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

The 2009 graduate with an Economics degree asks, “How can we market it?”

The 2009 graduate with an English Literature degree asks, “Do you want fries
with that?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/08/09 Grif.Net – The Universe

“Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds
the universe together.” Carl Zwanzig

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not
sure about the former.” Albert Einstein

“Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for
those people who can’t remember where they leave things.” Edward P. Tryon

“I’m astounded by people who want to `know’ the universe when it’s hard
enough to find your way around Chinatown.” Woody Allen

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people
very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” Douglas Adams

“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.” Rich Cook

There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don’t know what it’s a
plan for.” Fred Hoyle

“We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.” Ray Bradbury

“I’m worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It’s not holding a
charge.” Edward Chilton

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is
that it has never tried to contact us.” Calvin and Hobbes

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/06/09 Weekend Grif.Net – Prayer for the Children

CHILDREN’S DAY, 2009

PASTOR:
Lord, we pray for children who put chocolate fingers everywhere, who like to
be tickled, who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants, who sneak
Popsicles before supper, and can never find their shoes.

CONGREGATION:
And we pray for those who have no shoes, who stare at photographers from
behind barbed wire, who never “count potatoes”, who are born in places we
wouldn’t be caught dead in, who never go to the circus, who live in an
x-rated world.

ALL:
Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.

PASTOR:
Lord, we pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of
dandelions, who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish, who hug us in a hurry
and forget their lunch money, who cover with band-aids and sing off-key, who
squeeze toothpaste all over the sink, who slurp their soup.

CONGREGATION:
And we pray for those who never get soup, who have no safe blankets to drag
behind them, who watch their parents die, who can’t find any bread to steal,
have no rooms to clean up, whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser, and
whose monsters are real.

ALL:
Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.

PASTOR:
Lord, we pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, who
throw temper tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food, who like
ghost stories, who shove dirty clothes under the bed, and never rinse out
the tub; who get visits from the tooth fairy, who don’t like to be kissed in
front of friends, who squirm in church and scream in the phone, whose tears
we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

CONGREGATION:
And we pray for those who have no allowance, those whose nightmares come in
the daytime, who will eat anything, who have never seen a dentist, who
aren’t spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being. We pray for children who want to be
carried and for those who must be carried; for those we never give up on and
for those who don’t get a second chance. For those we smother, and for those
who will grab the hand of anyone kind enough to offer it.

ALL: Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer. Amen.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/05/09 Grif.Net – June Pun

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As
they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came
along and snatched up the billfold. Soon came another carp who stole it away
and then a third joined in.

Remarked one of the fisherman, “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen
carp-to-carp walleting.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/04/09 Grif.Net – Bad Day?

You Know You’re Having a Bad Day When . . .

Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell’s Angels motorcyclists.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

You put both contacts into the same eye.

Your doctor tells you that you’re allergic to chocolate.

You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your MasterCard.

The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.

You call your spouse and say you’d like to eat out tonight and when you get
home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/03/09 Grif.Net – Maxims for the Internet Age

1. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

5. Great groups from little icons grow.

6. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

7. C:\ is the root of all directories.

8..Home is where you hang your @

9. The geek shall inherit the earth.

10. A chat has nine lives.

11. Don’t byte off more than you can view.

12. Fax is stranger than fiction.

13. Windows will never cease.

14. Virtual reality is its own reward.

15. There’s no place like http://www.home.com

BONUS: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the
Net and he won’t bother you for weeks.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/02/09 Grif.Net – Odd Thoughts for a New Month

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the
wrong answers.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in
the correct screw.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s
life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if
there are men on base.

Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I
realized that I had no character.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

And the all-time favorite . . .
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I
repeat myself.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

06/01/09 Grif.Net – Economy

The economy is so bad.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Gold diggers are marrying for love.

Even people who were not hired by the Obama administration aren’t paying
their taxes.

Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Mothers in Bangladesh are telling their kids, “finish your plate, do you
know how many kids are starving in the U.S.?”

McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s
names.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

And finally … Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff
scandal. Hey, neat…. The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being
investigated by the people who made $3 trillion disappear.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/30/09 Weekend Grif.Net – The Law of the Garbage Truck

[Carol forwarded this. Author Unknown.]

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving
in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in
front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the
other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head
around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at
the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, “Why did you just
do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!”

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, The Law of the
Garbage Truck. He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They
run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and
sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally. Just smile,
wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it
to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take
over their day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so
love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”