If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat
canned pork because of swine flu . . ignore it.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
06/27/09 Weekend Grif.Net – Desks
Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a
social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did
something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with the
permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building
supervisor, she removed all of the desks out of her classroom. When the
first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks.
‘Ms. Cothren, where’re our desks?’
She replied, ‘You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn the right
to sit at a desk.’
They thought, ‘Well, maybe it’s our grades.’
‘No,’ she said.
‘Maybe it’s our behavior.’
She told them, ‘No, it’s not even your behavior.’
And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period.
Still no desks in the classroom. By early afternoon television news crews
had started gathering in Ms.Cothren’s classroom to report about this crazy
teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.
The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on
the floor of the deskless classroom, Martha Cothren said, ‘Throughout the
day no one has been able to tell me just what he/she has done to earn the
right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now I
am going to tell you.’
At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and
opened it.
Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans, all in uniforms, walked into that
classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the
school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand along side the
wall. By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those
kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just
how the right to sit at those desks had been earned.
Martha said, ‘You didn’t earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes
did it for you. They placed the desks here for you. Now, it’s up to you to
sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be
good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get
an education. Don’t ever forget it.’
[verified as a true story on snopes.com]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/26/09 Grif.Net – Unruly Child
A young mother was paying a visit to a doctor and she made no attempt to
restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.
But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I
hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.”
“No,” said the doctor calmly, “He’ll be quiet when he gets to the poisons.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/25/09 Grif.Net – Top Ten Signs You Are Broke
10. American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!”
9. You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
8. Long distance companies don’t call you to switch.
7. You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.
6. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
5. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
4. Your bologna has no first name.
3. Sally Struthers sends you food.
2. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
1. At communion you go back for seconds.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/24/09 Grif.Net – Retirement Bumper Stickers
[Sometimes the bumper sticker says it all:]
Cremation: Think Outside the Box
I’m Retired. I was Tired Yesterday and I’m Tired Again Today
When I was younger, all I wanted was a nice BMW. Now I don’t care about the
W.
I’m at the initial stage of my retirement: SSI, CD’s, IRA, AARP
Sometimes I Wake up Grumpy. Sometimes I let Her Sleep.
Florida: God’s Waiting Room
I’m not Old. I’m Chronologically Gifted.
The Snap, Crackle and Pop at the Breakfast Table are not from Rice Krispies
The Secret of Staying Young? Eat Right, Live Right, and Lie about your Age
I asked my wife if Old Men wore Boxers or Briefs. She said, “Depends”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/23/09 Grif.Net – Window Sign
Sign in a Whiting, Indiana store front window: “WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS
WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER!”
This sign was prominently displayed in the window and you would think such
an
Inflammatory statement would bring immediate outrage.
However, we are a society which holds freedom of speech as perhaps our
greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.
Answer:
“Owen’s Funeral Home”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/22/09 Grif.Net – First Song
Barbara Mandrell relates that when she had her first child (son Nathan) that
she always sang three songs to him. “Jesus Loves Me”, “This is the Day that
the Lord hath Made” and “Jesus Loves the Little Children”. She wondered
which of these three would be the first song he would sing on his own.
It ended up none of the three. The first song he ever sang was “All My Ex’s
Live in Texas”.
-The Detroit News
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/20/09 Weekend Grif.Net – Father’s Love
After a few of the usual Sunday evening hymns, the church’s pastor once
again slowly stood up, walked over to the pulpit, and gave a very brief
introduction of his childhood friend. With that, an elderly man stepped up
to the pulpit to speak, “A father, his son, and a friend of his son were
sailing off the Pacific Coast,” he began, “when a fast approaching storm
blocked any attempt to get back to shore. The waves were so high, that even
though the father was an experienced sailor, he could not keep the boat
upright, and the boys were swept into the ocean.”
The old man hesitated for a moment, making eye contact with two teenagers
who were, for the first time since the service began, looking somewhat
interested in his story. He continued, “Grabbing a rescue line, the father
had to make the most excruciating decision of his life . . . to which boy he
would throw the other end of the line. He only had seconds to make the
decision. The father knew that his son was a Christian, and he also knew
that his son’s friend was not. The agony of his decision could not be
matched by the torrent of waves.
As the father yelled out, ‘I love you, son!’ he threw the line to his son’s
friend. By the time he pulled the friend back to the capsized boat, his son
had disappeared beyond the raging swells into the black of night. His body
was never recovered.” By this time, the two teenagers were sitting
straighter in the pew, waiting for the next words to come out of the old
man’s mouth. “The father,” he continued, “knew his son would step into
eternity with Jesus, and he could not bear the thought of his son’s friend
stepping into an eternity without Jesus. Therefore, he sacrificed his son.”
“How great is the love of God that He should do the same for us.” With
that, the old man turned and sat back down in his chair as silence filled
the room.
Within minutes after the service ended, the two teenagers were at the old
man’s side. “That was a nice story,” politely started one of the boys, “but
I don’t think it was very realistic for a father to give up his son’s life
in hopes that the other boy would become a Christian.”
“Well, you’ve got a point there,” the old man replied, glancing down at his
worn Bible. A big smile broadened his narrow face, and he once again looked
up at the boys and said, “It sure isn’t very realistic, is it? But I’m
standing here today to tell you that THAT story gives me a glimpse of what
it must have been like for God to give up His Son for me.”
“You see, I was the son’s friend.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/19/09 Grif.Net – Anniversary
Today is our anniversary. We’ve been happily married 3 years now. (We’ve
been married 39 years, but I said “happily”.)
Here are a couple old-couple jokes . . .
I remember the time I tried to help by doing my own laundry. I threw my
favorite sweat-shirt in the washer, but with all the buttons and cycles, I
had no clue what to do next. So I shouted to the wife, “What setting do I
use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
Pretty obvious to me. “University of Wisconsin. What now?”
~~
Teresa and I were getting ready for bed the other night. I leaned over and
whispered in her ear, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the
world.”
She replied, “I’ll miss you…”
~~
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” I said, stepping out of the
shower. “Honey, what do you suppose the neighbors would think if I mowed the
lawn like this?”
She looked at me and replied, “Probably that I married you for your money.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/18/09 Grif.Net – Clergy Collars
A minister, wearing a “clergy collar”, visited the church day care.
The little children were quite concerned at this odd looking outfit. One
little girl asked if he had a “boo-boo” on his neck and asked him how he got
hurt.
The pastor smiled and took the white plastic collar insert out and handed it
around to the pre-schoolers. A little boy felt the embossed letters (name
of the manufacturer) on it and asked what that meant.
One of the other children piped up saying, “I know! It says ‘Kills ticks
and fleas for up to six months’”.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/17/09 Grif.Net – State Capitals
We got a giant floor puzzle of the US states and inserts for each capital.
My oldest grandson put the puzzle together in record time, then proceeded to
get all the cities correctly, too, bragging on how easy it was. (He is very
smart)
I said that when I was his age I knew all the states and capitals and could
have beaten him in a contest, hands down.
But he complained, “No fair, Grandpa. When YOU were MY age, there were only
13 states.”
Anybody looking for a grandson? Cheap?
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
06/16/09 Grif.Net – Hot
[My whining about Casper's odd cold/wet weather and the jokes about Seattle
brought a response from Ben in the Tempe/Phoenix area]
IT’S SO HOT in Arizona in the summer that . . .
We go to McDonalds to get coffee and pour it on our laps – just to cool off.
The farmers must feed their cows ice cubes so they don’t give evaporated
milk.
At 95 and hazy, it is kind of like most of the drivers in Phoenix.
We saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner.
Birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
You can say 113 degrees without fainting.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
Everywhere you look there is sunshine and warmth. It
06/15/09 Grif.Net – Penguins
[Regarding "Swine Flu." - from Friday's Grif.Net, Gene asks "If a person
dies from the
Swine Flu, does he go to "Hog Heaven?" His answer - "Only if he is riding a
Harley".]
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica-
where do they go? Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives
an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well
as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout
its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family
and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their
vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird
to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
[Bruce said, Hey, I don't write this stuff---I just pass it along!]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”