“It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it
happens.”
~Woody Allen
“Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
~George Burns
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll
never know. But then we tried to get his tusks off, which [...]
A pastor placed his order at the pet store. “I need at least 50 mice, 2,000
ants and as many of those little silverfish you can get.”
The clerk replied, “We can probably do that, but it might take some time.
Mind if I ask why you are placing such an unusual order?”
The pastor responded, “I’ve accepted a [...]
Dr Adrian Rogers, 1931-2005 gave these statements some years back . . .
You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out
of prosperity.
What one person receives without working for, another person must work for
without receiving.
The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not
first take from somebody else. [...]
[The great theologian John Calvin was born July 10, 1509. In his honor we
share some Calvinistic humor]
A man wanted to become a minister, so he went to a theological college to
enroll. But when he arrived, he was met at the gates, and given his degree
without even having to step into the college.
When he asked why, [...]
A pastor friend forwarded this to me. [Not sure if it happened to him . . .
]
At our church to save money on paper towels, we installed sanitary hot air
hand dryers in the rest rooms. After two weeks, I had them removed.
While they worked fine, I noticed a home-made sign on it that read, [...]
Rachel Zupek, of CareerBuilder.com, compiled these actual responses from job
interviews. Maybe you were nervous, you thought the employer would
appreciate your honesty, or maybe you just have no boundaries. Whatever the
reason, you can be certain that you shouldn’t tell an interviewer that it’s
probably best if they don’t do a background check on you. (And yes, [...]
Tomorrow, at 4:05 am and 6 seconds, it will be officially 04.05.06.07.08.09
Celebrate it.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
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A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved
3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with
the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie
aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their respective aisles.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, [...]
[Would ask your prayers for us. We had a freak storm flood our home and
garage, destroying many valuable possessions, including our freezer and
hundreds of books in my pastoral library. It will take weeks and much
strength (both Teresa and I are limited in that capacity) to get the mud and
debris cleaned up. "Fireworks" came [...]
Part of the correct answer to EVERY question is the 4th of July. What is
missing, however, is the YEAR. Bet you can’t get even ONE correct.
HARDEST
21. Republic of Hawaii formed = July 4th, ____
22. At the Battle of the Horns of Hattin, Saladin defeated the Crusader army
and wrested control of the Holy Land [...]
Part of the correct answer to EVERY question is the 4th of July. What is
missing, however, is the YEAR. Of course, THAT is the hard part!!
HARDER
11. Dear Abby and Ann Landers (twins Esther Pauline and Pauline Esther) were
born = July 4th, ____
12. The very first National Independence Day Party was held in the [...]
Part of the correct answer to EVERY question is the 4th of July. What is
missing, however, is the YEAR. Of course, THAT is the hard part!! And YOUR
task . . .
HARD
1. Independence Day became a legal holiday = July 4th, ____
2. Our present 50-star flag was first flown = July 4th, ____
3. [...]
Linda wrote and said, “Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag
of Purina dog chow for my loyal Lab, Cocoa, and was in the checkout line
when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little
to [...]
