Returning from a trip I sat in a wheelchair in the Delta section of the Salt
Lake City airport terminal, I was appreciating the fine service as I was
saved from walking long distances by kind staff members (who wouldn’t even
accept a tip!!). I can walk, but the more I walk today, the more intense
pain [...]
Murphy’s Law of Children
1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next
morning.
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like [...]
[Tongue in cheek, but serious thought behind this clever parody. Anyone who
is still a liberal (fewer and fewer admitting to it after the mess Congress
is in) may feel free to change the title/theme to barb any conservative
politician of your choice. Or delete it. Or weep.]
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington, DC — July 22, [...]
A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses.
The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of whiskey, took a big swig, then
another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and
shot the bottle in midair.
The Californian looked at the Texan and said, “What are you doing? That was
a [...]
Some months ago we shared “handy tips” for life. Remember that great idea,
“If a person is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of
boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly
removed.”
Well, we’ve got some more tips . . .
Old telephone books make ideal FREE personal address [...]
Out playing in the yard one day with my young granddaughter, I got a little
wistful. “In ten years,” I said, “you’ll want to be with your friends and
you won’t go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.”
She shrugged and said sweetly. “Don’t worry, Grandpa. In ten years you’ll be
too old to do [...]
JZ forwarded – Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment
of giving shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give
four-year-old Lizzie her needle. “No, no, no” she screamed.
“Lizzie,” scolded her mother, “that’s not polite behavior.”
With that, the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus [...]
A reporter travels to Israel to cover the fighting. She is looking for
something emotional and positive and of human interest. Something like that
guy in Sarajevo who risked his life to play the cello everyday in the town
square.
In Jerusalem, she heard about an old Jew who had been going to the Wailing
Wall to pray, twice [...]
[Forwarded, and verified as a true account]
One of the “Band of Brothers” soldiers died just a month ago (June 17,
2009). We’re hearing a lot today about big splashy memorial services. I want
a nationwide memorial service for Darrell “Shifty” Powers.
Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of
the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, [...]
Read about a church that put on a circus to attract people and had a clown
“preach”. Here are some reasons we may forgo the trend and not have a clown
preacher:
They force people to smile too early in the morning.
It’s hard to say with dignity, “The sermon today will be given by Brother
Umpa-Doody.”
Whoopee cushions inevitably [...]
Read about a church that put on a circus to attract people and had a clown
“preach”. Here are some reasons we may forgo the trend and not have a clown
preacher:
They force people to smile too early in the morning.
It’s hard to say with dignity, “The sermon today will be given by Brother
Umpa-Doody.”
Whoopee cushions inevitably [...]
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which I traded for cupcakes.
BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.
BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be
self-cleaning.
BECAUSE: Mom’s reason for having me do [...]
Did you ever think we’re missing part of the Bible stories by just reading
the facts? Here are some additions of lines that their MOTHERS might have
said . . .
David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your
harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
Samson! Get your hand [...]
