In 2012 the US Government is requiring stricter labeling of food products.
So I ventured into Safeway and noticed the results in the diet food aisle:
“NO FAT”
“LOW FAT”
“REDUCED FAT”
“50% LESS FAT”
“FAT, BUT GREAT PERSONALITY”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
“You are what you eat. For example, if you eat garlic you’re apt to be a
hermit.”
“Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells last forever.”
“I don’t have an ‘eating problem’. I eat just fine. Trouble is, I get
fatter. I buy new clothes. I have a ‘money problem.’”
“The number one cause of people falling off their New Year’s Resolution to
lose weight is food.”
“Stop congratulating me. I haven’t put my other foot on the scale yet.”
“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled
as good as bacon.”
After noticing how trim one fellow had become, I asked his wife how she had
finally persuaded him to diet. It was then she shared a dark secret:
“I put our teenage son’s shorts in his underwear drawer.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
We have a great diet program. Trust me – my wife has lost 65 pounds and
I’ve lost over 100 pounds (and kept it off). Not a joke so far!
I was telling two ladies at our clinic (www.phr.net if you want information
about “The Diet that Works”) about these great results when my wife walked
out and announced that she had lost six inches using the program.
One gal turned to the other, puzzled, and asked “Why would anyone want to be
shorter?”
Oh, my.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
At a Weight Watchers meeting, a client’s small son was seen climbing onto a
scale.
“Don’t go on that,” warned the boy’s slightly older brother. “It makes
people cry.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
“It is an awful fact that there are some that will be ‘scarcely saved’ -
saved because of faith in Jesus Christ, but whose whole life will have been
practically thrown away, because what they labored for has been what
perishes. All past years are gone forever, with their opportunities. Shall
we continue pursuing the same course that we have been? Shall we live for
this world or for the world to come?”
~A.T. Pierson, “The Bible and Spiritual Life”
“Beloved, I do not consider that I have finally made it my own. But in one
area I have forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies
ahead, I press on toward the finish line for the prize of the heavenly call
of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature be of this same
mind.”
~Apostle Paul, Letter to the Church at Philippi 3:13-15
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
While many were out at parties, a little silver-haired lady stayed home to
relax on New Year’s Eve. But as the evening progressed, she called her
neighbor and requested, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer
jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbor asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The little silver haired lady replied, “According to the picture on the box,
it’s a rooster.”
Her neighbor decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and
showed him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box. Finally he
turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
Then he took her hand and added, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have
a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh . . .
“Let’s put all the Kellogg’s Corn Flakes back in the box.”
[thanks to ES for the senior moment]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
Q. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger’s’ wife get for Christmas?
A. Half of everything.
~~~
Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
A. He sold his soul to Santa.
~~
Q. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their
games in a hotel lobby?
A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
~~
Q. What do you call a man who’s been diagnosed with attention deficit
disorder?
A. These are good crackers, aren’t they? Who bought these?
~~
Q. What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A. Okay, everyone, sack time!
~~
Q. What’s the best holiday tip when walking with grandkids in California?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone
south for the winter
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
To help save the economy, I was told that the Obama Administration will
announce January 1st that it has authorized the Immigration Department to
start deporting seniors instead of illegal alien criminals. This will lower
Social Security and Medicare costs and save more money than patrolling the
borders.
It has been noted that older people are easier to catch and will not
remember how to get back home if they do escape. I started to cry when I
thought of all the Grif.Net readers.
Then it dawned on me … oh, MY … I’ll see most of my friends on the bus!
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
My grandson was so proud waking me up and bringing me my first cup of coffee
this morning.
As I got down lower in the cup I noticed he had put something in it. With a
little trepidation, I fished out two small green plastic army men that had
been submerged in my drink. I asked him why he had chosen to add these to
my coffee.
He innocently replied that he had heard, “The best part of waking up is
soldiers in your cup.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
A woman we know got on the scale after all the Christmas parties and dinners
and as she suspected, she had gained a few pounds
It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed with great difficulty into a
pair of her old blue jeans.
Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her
husband, “Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?”
“No, dear, not at all,” he replied.
Then as he walked away, he added under his breath, “Our house isn’t blue.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
CHRISTMAS STORY FROM GOSPEL OF LUKE
“And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar
Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first
made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every
one into his own city.
“And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into
Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was
of the house and lineage of David:) to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife,
being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days
were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her
firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a
manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping
watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon
them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore
afraid. And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not: for, behold, I bring you
good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is
born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And
this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling
clothes, lying in a manger.’
“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host
praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace,
good will toward men.’
“And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven,
the shepherds said one to another, ‘Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and
see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto
us.’ And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe
lying in a manger.
“And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told
them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those
things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these
things, and pondered them in her heart.
“And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things
that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.”
APPLYING THE CHRISTMAS STORY IN GOSPEL OF JOHN “He was in the world, and the
world was made by him, and the world knew him not. He came unto his own, and
his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power
to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: which were
born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man,
but of God.
“And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory,
the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.”
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For
God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world
through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but
he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in
the name of the only begotten Son of God. He that believeth on the Son hath
everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but
the wrath of God abideth on him.”
DO NOT MAKE THE ETERNALLY FATEFUL ERROR OF WORSHIPPING A BABE IN THE MANGER
AND REJECTING THE CHRIST OF THE CROSS!
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
Tragedy struck the home of America’s most popular poet. On July 9th, 1861,
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s wife, Fanny, was near an open window sealing
locks of her daughter’s hair in a packet, using hot sealing wax. It was
thought that a spark from a match or a candle caused her dress to catch fire
and engulf her with flames. Her husband, sleeping in the next room, was
awakened by her screams. He desperately tried to put out the fire and save
his wife. He was severely burned on his face and hands.
She, so tragically burned, slipped into a coma the next day and died. His
grievous burns would not even allow him to attend her funeral. He seemed to
lock the anguish within his soul. Because he continued to work at his
craft, only his family knew of his personal suffering. They could see it in
his eyes and observe his long periods of silence. His white beard, so
identified with him, was one of the results of the tragedy — the burn scars
on his face made shaving impossible.
Although already famous and a legend in his own time, he still needed the
peace that God gives to His children. His pastor asked the poet if he would
write a children’s poem about Christmas to be read in church. Early on
Christmas morning, 1864, just three years following the horrible accident,
he sat down to try to capture, if possible, the joys of the season. He
began:
“I heard the bells on Christmas day.
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”
As he came to the third stanza, he was stopped by the thought of the
condition of his beloved country. The Civil War was raging full swing.
Earlier, the Battle of Gettysburg saw 50,000 casualties. Days looked dark,
and he probably asked himself the question, “How can I write about “peace on
earth, good will to men” in this war-torn country, where brother fights
against brother and father against son?” But he kept writing — and what did
he write?
“And in despair I bowed my head:
‘There is no peace on earth’, l said,
‘For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men!”‘
It seems as if he could have been writing these words for us today in 2011
and the conflicts around the world! Wadsworth then turned his thought to
God, the only One who can give true and perfect peace, both in the heart and
on the earth, and continued writing:
“Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.”
Thus we have the marvelous Christmas carol, “I Heard the Bells on Christmas
Day”. The musician, J. Baptiste Calkin, wrote the musical setting that has
helped make the carol a favorite still today. The wrong SHALL fail, the
right PREVAIL with peace on earth, good will to men!
[taken from Sunday's Christmas sermon by Dr Bob Griffin, founder of the
Grif.Net and Teaching Elder at Sovereign Grace Church of Central Wyoming]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
A little girl was asked to draw a picture of the Nativity along with the
rest of her class. At the end of the school day, the drawings were sent home
for the parents to adore and display on their refrigerators.
Alexis’ mom was excited when her daughter told her she drew her very own
picture of the Nativity. “Oh, let me see!” her mother exclaimed. When she
glanced at the picture, she became rather confused. She saw an airplane
drawn right in the middle of the page.
Her mom asked Lexie if this was the correct picture – the one of the
Nativity and not a picture of Grandma and Grandpa coming to California for
Christmas from Wyoming.
“Of course, Mommy!” replied Alexis. “That’s the flight into Egypt!”
Her mom then looked at the figures riding in the plane and saw a very mean
man in the front of the plane. “Who is this angry-looking man?” her mom
asked.
“Mommy!” Lexie answered with frustration. “That’s Pontius the Pilot!”
Her mom, feeling like she needed to “get with it” in understanding her
daughter’s drawing, continued on. “OK. I see Joseph here, and Mary, and the
baby. But who is the really big guy in the back of the plane?”
With a sigh, her daughter blurted out: “You know this from the song, Mommy!
That’s round John Virgin!”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
