I’ve seen him around for years but never paid much attention. He always
seemed just a little odd. A little short. A little …scruffy. Always the
same old red ball cap. And always a garbage bag in one hand. He walks around
this big old factory on his work breaks and on his lunch time collecting
aluminum cans. Day after day, month after month, on hot days and cold days.

Over the years I’ve followed him as he walked to his old pickup truck on the
coldest day with snow blowing and everyone with their collars turned up and
their hands in their pockets. He would be there with a 40 gallon garbage bag
full of aluminum cans. He’d toss it into the back of his truck and jump in
and I’d reach my car and jump in and we’d all race to the exit of this big
half empty parking lot.

Today I was working on a broken machine in this factory and the can man came
by with his bag picking up cans. Our manager was standing there because the
machine I was working on had been “down” for a couple of hours and he was
getting worried that we might run one of the assembly lines out of the
parts. I was finishing and I stood up just as the manager asked the can man
what he did with all those cans. I’d never thought to ask him that question
because I always just assumed he cashed them in at the recycle center.

The can man said “I give them to my neighbor. He’s epileptic and can’t hold
a job”.

I lifted up my head from the work and blurted out, “You mean you’ve been
collecting all those cans for all these years just to give to your
neighbor??”

“It ain’t much” he said “but I give them to him. He can’t hold a real job,
but he can take these cans to recycling and get joy out of being able to
help pay his bills”.

Right then and there in that dreary factory I found myself looking smack at
the face of Jesus. He was wearing a T-shirt and an old red ball cap and had
a garbage bag full of aluminum cans in his hand. It was one of the most
humbling moments of my life.

“Dear Lord, I offer my prayer for the can man and all others like him. I
don’t even know his name but You do. Lord, I lift him up to You. Bless him
and watch over him for his is surely one of your best foot soldiers. He is a
man whose feet I am unworthy to wash!! Thank you God for sending the can man
to help his neighbor and for the lesson he taught me. May I remember it long
after today. Amen!”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right..
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,” the operator
replied. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated, and then said, “Well, most people call me Ice Man.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang on around while I go on ahead!

If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
Wet!

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES – because there is a mile between the first and last letters.

What two things can’t you have for dinner?
Lunch and breakfast!

Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
He got fed up with the whole business!

What’s the difference between a wizard and the letters S A M E K?
One makes spells, the other spells makes!

What starts with e, ends with e, but has only one letter?
An envelope!

What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle?
A doughnut!

What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A sponge.

What comes once in a year, twice in a week, and never in a day?
The letter E.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

What runs but never walks?
Water!

What kind of coat you can put on which doesn’t have buttons, a zipper, or
sleeves?
A coat of paint.

What do you throw out when you need it and take in when you don’t need it?
An anchor!

What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
A teapot!

When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.

What’s a quick way to double your money?
FOLD IT!

Why did the man sleep with a yardstick?
To see how long he could sleep.

What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!

What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole!

What can you keep and give away at the same time?
A cold!

What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells!

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

ADULT: One who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are
dead.

COFFEE: a person who is coughed upon.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

FLABBERGASTED: appalled over how much weight you have gained.

FLATULENCE: the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over
by a steamroller.

FRISBEETARIANISM: The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the
roof and gets stuck there.

GARGOYLE: an olive-flavored mouthwash.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

LYMPH: to walk with a lisp.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

OYSTER: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines!

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very
courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was
notified and grieved deeply for his only son. A few months later the father
received a package in the mail with a note –

“You do not know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life.
He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet
struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you,
and your love for art. During my recovery in the hospital I thought about
your son and wanted you to have this.”

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the
young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the
personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes
that his own eyes welled up with tears. He tried to pay that young soldier
for the picture, but was told “Oh, I could never repay what your son did for
me. It’s a gift.”

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to
his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them
any of the other great works he had collected.

Some years later the wealthy man died. There was to be a great auction of
his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the
great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their
collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer
pounded his gavel.

“We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for
this picture?”

There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted. “We want to
see the famous paintings. Skip this one.” But the auctioneer persisted.
“Will someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100,
$200?” Another voice shouted angrily. “We didn’t come to see this painting.
We came to see the Van Gogh’s, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!”
But still the auctioneer continued. “The son! The son! Who’ll take the son?”

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime
gardener of the man and his son. “I’ll give $10 for the painting.”

Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. “We have $10, who will bid
$20?”

“Give it to him for $10. Let’s see the masters.”

“$10 is the bid, won’t someone bid $20?” The crowd was becoming angry. They
didn’t want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments
for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. “Going once, twice,
SOLD for $10!”

A man sitting on the second row shouted. “Now let’s get on with the
collection!”

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. “I’m sorry, the auction is over.”

“What about the paintings?”

“I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a
secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation
until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever
bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the
paintings. The man who took the son gets every thing!”

[God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross. Much like the
auctioneer, His message today is, "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"
Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.]

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Now they were advanced in years, retired and neither of them had ever been
married. Of course, they dated about once a week for more than sixteen
years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage
or even engagement.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he called her
on the phone:

“June?”
“Yes, this is June.”
“Will you marry me?”
“Of course I will. By the way, who IS this?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for
that. It’s called EVERYBODY.”

“My Mom said she learned how to swim when as a teenager her parents took her
out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t
trying to teach you how to swim.”

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”

“I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,
‘My oh my, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold
enough. Let’s go west.’”

“If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be
dead.”

“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.”

“Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have
to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is
the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”

“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they
can find Afghanistan.”

“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look
that says, ‘My goodness, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

The pharmacist says “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student
takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English
literature!

“What else do you have?” asks the student.

“Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,” replies
the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about
those subjects.

Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for math?”

The pharmacist says “Wait just a moment”, and goes back into the storeroom
and brings back a whopper of a pill over a foot long, and plunks it on the
counter.

“I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied “Well, we all know math always was a little hard to
swallow.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Bookmark It

Hide Sites