A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel
in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the
shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the
excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he
recites [...]
If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t!
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It’s almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will;
It’s all in the state of mind!
If you think [...]
Many years ago I spent time on the Wind River Reservation here in Wyoming.
Loved to “tap into” the Indian culture and talk with men there. A friend
shared a story about one such encounter.
One of the men he knew shared meanings and symbols of his native language
and noted that his wife was called “Five Horses” [...]
Mike was a well-loved and very smart college history professor. But he
couldn’t believe it — he’d made it to the last round of his favorite game
show.
“Congratulations, Mike,” said the emcee. “Answer correctly and you go home
with five million dollars! Miss either part and you will get nothing.”
“This is a two-part question on American history,” [...]
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with the early world explorers?
Vasco da Gama held a pair, Christopher Columbus was ace high, and Henry
Hudson had three of a kind.
But they never could beat the Straights of Magellan.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
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A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the
collie and complained, “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend
is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” asked the collie.
“I can’t,” replied the poodle. “I’m [...]
My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well
when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t,
can’t, don’t!”
Frantic, I asked, “Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?”
“Nothing. She’s just having contractions.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
Bookmark It
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[Forwarded by a grif.net factory worker] I work in a major US factory. We
make refrigerators. Four thousand, five hundred new refrigerators every day
- but this focus is on one man who works in this huge factory.
I’ve seen him around for years but never paid much attention. He always
seemed just a little odd. A [...]
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe
sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics corrects the problems, document their [...]
A young man called directory assistance. “Hello, operator, I would like the
telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”
“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,” the operator
replied. “Do you have a street name?”
The young man hesitated, and then said, “Well, most people call me Ice Man.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This [...]
Which month has 28 days?
All of them!
What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang on around while I go on ahead!
If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
Wet!
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES – because there is [...]
If the red house was made out of red bricks, and the blue house was made out
of blue bricks, what was the green house made out of?
Glass!
What runs but never walks?
Water!
What kind of coat you can put on which doesn’t have buttons, a zipper, or
sleeves?
A coat of paint.
What do you throw out when you [...]
ABDICATE: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
ADULT: One who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are
dead.
COFFEE: a person [...]
